Did it happen to you?

Hello, I'm in my early 40ies. Few years ago I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Well, now, for some people I'm creazy, for some I'm a genius.

For the last years I struggled to find a way to free myself from the 9-5 job.

So finally I found a way which will make me a lot of money. I just have to take action. It's just there, I just have to take it. Here's come the problem.

Instead of taking action I waste my day thinking all possible ways to take revenge on all people that turned me down. Because I know that as soon as I make money I'll have my revenge.

I know it's wrong wanting to take revenge, but still what I'm going to do, that will allow me to make money and live free, will hit them back as karma, even if I don't do anything against them.

So the problem is my mind think about all these revenges, I loose concentration, and it creates inside my mind and body a sense of restlessness. Not anxiety or depression, just I lose focus.

And so I'm sucked in this spiral which doesn't allow me to reach my goal and get my money. And I spend the day in bed and on the sofa. And I procrastinate with the mobile on the web.

Listening to songs also is negative for me because the lyrics trigger me the sense of revenge. So i stopped to listen to song, I listen to calming and meditating music, but still my mind goes to that revenge thinking, and then I procrastinate instead of taking action to reach my goal that is very near now, so near now, that is frustrating.

Did this happen to you? How did you solve it?