Only Read This if You Want This Site to be More About People's Experiences [I Am Nostalgic]
Going back a few years ago, I was in love. Back then, on a handful of occasions, on clear nights, I went outside & lied on the trampoline, thinking & talking to myself as I observed the unhindered view of the stars (I live in the countryside).
I did the same tonight. It was a complete spur-of-the-moment decision. The initial bam! of the view convinced me to hang around. I climbed in the trampoline under the stars for the 1st time since I was in love, & my motives were clear; I wanted to reexperience those beautiful memories. But the sky failed to amaze me, or inspire me. I kept looking at it, willing the sky to look beautiful as it did, but the only thing that matched the past was the light from stars which don't exist anymore. I felt empty, & thought about how the emotions used to be so profound, how my interest was so rigorous, in spite of the total calmness. Nothing of value had changed in terms of the physical sensations; it was the same view, the same cold of the damp trampoline on my back, the same gentle sounds of the breeze & some branches. I really wanted to feel the way I did, even though I had no temptation to be in love with her.
I went back inside, but there was a resistance to just staying inside. I went back to the trampoline, & stayed there a while longer, like when you continue having a hot shower, even though you've stopped enjoying its warmth. I noticed that I didn't feel totally empty, that there were these nostalgic undertones of the beauty that was only 2nd to her, back in those days. They were strong enough to put me off turning on the lights in my bedroom, to preserve the mood.
Being in love with her gave my joys an extra dimension. Some things felt the same as now, such as watching sports & playing sport. But most of the time was augmented, such a contrast to how I feel now, even if my life's not totally empty.
She was the star that illuminated my sky,
but I hope there's another star out there
whose light I've not yet seen.
I did the same tonight. It was a complete spur-of-the-moment decision. The initial bam! of the view convinced me to hang around. I climbed in the trampoline under the stars for the 1st time since I was in love, & my motives were clear; I wanted to reexperience those beautiful memories. But the sky failed to amaze me, or inspire me. I kept looking at it, willing the sky to look beautiful as it did, but the only thing that matched the past was the light from stars which don't exist anymore. I felt empty, & thought about how the emotions used to be so profound, how my interest was so rigorous, in spite of the total calmness. Nothing of value had changed in terms of the physical sensations; it was the same view, the same cold of the damp trampoline on my back, the same gentle sounds of the breeze & some branches. I really wanted to feel the way I did, even though I had no temptation to be in love with her.
I went back inside, but there was a resistance to just staying inside. I went back to the trampoline, & stayed there a while longer, like when you continue having a hot shower, even though you've stopped enjoying its warmth. I noticed that I didn't feel totally empty, that there were these nostalgic undertones of the beauty that was only 2nd to her, back in those days. They were strong enough to put me off turning on the lights in my bedroom, to preserve the mood.
Being in love with her gave my joys an extra dimension. Some things felt the same as now, such as watching sports & playing sport. But most of the time was augmented, such a contrast to how I feel now, even if my life's not totally empty.
She was the star that illuminated my sky,
but I hope there's another star out there
whose light I've not yet seen.
