I Am Missing Someone

Barely one day has passed, but I'm already missing a SW friend that's been very special all over the course of the last two years. .. I don't know how it could have happened, but this morning I just woke up and checked the messages, and I found my account has been blocked. It has been probably one of the greatest grief in my life, not only for the discovery itself, but also for the sudden way it happened... it was completely unexpected, and I'm still finding it hard to realize that what I'm living is the truth and not a nightmare. We didn't have an argument, a quarrel... just nothing. That's what hurts me the most, the feeling that I might have done something wrong or displeasing, while not having a bare idea of what it could possibly be... so what's really bad is that this situation is affecting me both emotionally and rationally (other than physically, of course, I couldn't eat anything the whole day...). I was hurt this bad before, but it never had this effect on me: because, someway or another, even though my heart was torn apart, I always managed to find the solace in the harbor of my mind, running back my memory tape, pondering my behaviour, analyzing the details, in short, trying to figure out the cause that brought the bad effect. This time, I don't have a foothold of any kind... also, because of the lack of reasons of any kind, I cannot even blame anything on her... such a comfy, selfish solution that many people exploit, to safeguard their integrity and not to deal with themselves. Now, I'm left alone with myself, and, ironically, there's no such harrowingly suitable ambience for the grieving process...