Silent confessions.

I see her from a far when she’s not looking hoping she notices and doesn’t mind. It would then be ok to imagine how my arms can wrap her tight.
How I want to be the reason for her smile.
I miss our deep conversations where our eyes meet. Even though she’s broken me I feel a safety in her eyes. Reality sets in and reminds me to be cordial and respect her wishes. Yet my heart beats happier when she’s near. In silence I tell myself of the greatest love I could offer her... but I’m sure she’s wouldn’t care… so I just admire from a far. She’s stunning and I grow nervous thinking of seeing her again. In silence I think she’s beautiful. No one will know.

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Eidolon · M Best Comment

@userfawkes1105 hits right in the feels bro.
If my experience has thought me anything...she will become a mistress of haunting, snatching you away from your reality every so often when you least expect it. She's a thief of time, and sadly - there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to stop it.
And so you will suffer, alone... the gap she's left becoming a crevice... the crevice become your grave... where you take your secret. alone. in the dark.
The questions always eating at you... does she know? how can she possibly not know? if she does know would it make a difference? if only... if... only....

userfawkes1105

@Eidolon I kept my secret deep no mater how deep I dug my grave inside. A sacrifice I did knowing she deserved better than I. Then one day she called me out and caught me holding it deep down. I guess I shoulda made sure she couldn’t know harder… I was left in the deepest crevice admittedly of no one’s fault but my own. Yet I hold no grudge. And feel a great deal of shame. For what had had happened and how I couldn’t turn it off and let it get out of control. I understand i do not have the right to do that anymore. Yet I can not help but still think she’s beautiful. This time it must stay secret or I’ll need to figure how to turn it off. Is there something wrong with me? Is it instinct what is it that makes me act this way? I don’t seem to be able to control this aspect of my humanity yet.

Eidolon · M

@userfawkes1105 From what you mentioned above, it seems like you spilled the beans already - So you should have a sense of relief rather than regret. You should not be tormenting yourself for having exposed your secret. Why do you feel shame in carrying this secret? Unless... unless it's someone you should not be carrying a secret love for in the first place? (i.e. from a moral/ethical standpoint)

userfawkes1105

@Eidolon yeah it’s just some one I shouldn’t feel for they told me they don’t feel the same as I do. I guess the torment comes from that. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. How pathetic I have no control.

Eidolon · M

@userfawkes1105 nonsense, they are not the decider on who you should have feelings for. Even if they don't reciprocate those feelings. It's only your duty to respect them.
It's also your duty to respect you. If carrying these feelings is causing you harm or breaking you down, then you owe it to yourself to curb those feelings. If however you find purpose and pleasure in harbouring those feelings within you... then have at it. It's on you and for you - Nobody else's opinion matters so long as you are not disrespecting or negatively impacting someone else with it. (including yourself)