I Have a Confession

I know my mom means well and all but... I don't see why she even bothers to try anymore. Things would be so much easier for her if she stopped caring. Its not my fault im like this... it is my fault but I am unable to change this. I want to stop this self destruction but there's nothing I can do. I have tried and failed then tried again then fail again. I know im making things harder. I know. I know.... Many times I have looked at what my future could hold for me but I see nothing. Those are the times I considered giving up and exiting this game of life. The me from years ago has killed whatever future I could and may grasp. Not me but someone else. A immature little shit. The me from then has destroyed and strangled every breath from my/our future. Im sorry. I may seem like I think everything is a joke but I don't. Im scared shitless. No one can help me. Maybe I can try one more time to fix things. One more attempt at this game and see if I can change. The chances I can change things is unlikely. I know you're trying to get me back on track but... please stop. Please stop trying..