I Have A Confession To Make
I guess i must start with, my luck in romantic relationship department is at best; shitty.
My first ever committed romantic relationship lasted for almost 5 years. We met while we're studying in the same university. He was from the Saudi and i'm just a local girl. Even when he went back to Saudi after we graduated, we still continued our relationship. Texting, calls, facetime, skype. Name it. We were in love.
Then finally, we arrived at the stage where he wanted to meet my parents to ask my hand in marriage. I was beyond happy. To spend the rest of my life with the love of my heart. Who in the world wouldn't be happy!?
Long story short, his mother didn't approved. She wanted him to marry a girl from his country. He had a huge fight with his family for days because of this. I know he was especially close with his mother.. and the whole situation was tearing him inside. So i did what was best. I let him go.
He got engaged a month after we broke up and got married few months after that.
His new wife have the same name as me. I know, because he called me to share the good news. I congratulated him with a smile while my mending heart broke to million pieces. Again.
I wasn't mad at him for being happy. I was disappointed and sad of my shitty luck.
Close to a year after that, i met someone on EP. We became internet friends and long after getting to know each other for months, we decided to become a LDR couple. Everything is sunshine and rainbow again for me. I was happy.
Lets call him Mr. T. He's an American. Not quite tall, more on the buff side, beautiful brunette, shoulder length hair, pale green eyes, wicked killer smile. A neat freak. Can be stubborn as a mule and refuse to get on with the latest technology.
He moves around a lot because of work. Currently lives in Atlanta working from home as I.T. person for the U.S gov. He's a few years older than me. Single. Never married. Have a pet fat cat name Squeaks.
Next year February will be our 4 years together. (on-off).
Everything was great in the beginning. Then gradually he changed. I changed too. One moment everything was fine then another suddenly shit storm happen. There were times i'd feel like i was walking on glass with him. Wrong word and he'd snapped and we'd get into a fight. I hate fighting. It's tiring. So i'd always try to appease him. Which deep in my head i know that's actually a dumb move.
I love him to bits but he's not making it easier to love him. He told me that his family abandoned him when he was 24 years old, his mother doesnt love him and his father left when he was a baby, he was fired from jobs 3 times, his best friends doesnt want to reconnect. He said his luck in life is the worse kind of luck. Like the world is against him. I feel bad for him. I empathize him. So i try to love him the best i can. But loving him now feels like im losing myself bit by bit everyday and it's eating me inside.
When i tried to talk to him about some issues, it will somehow always ended up with how man is superior than woman and dont have these useless feelings, getting emotional over things and dont have to deal with periods etc. So i quit talking to him about things. Because somehow im never good at arguing and he's an expert at twisting words and always want to win and i didnt want us to fight.
2 years into the relationship, I found out his real name is not Mr. T. It's Mr. R. I asked him why did he gave me a fake name and he told me that he didn't think we'd last this long. (WTH) Same goes for his birthday date. He gave me a fake date. Twice. That should be a warning bell, but my stupid brain wouldnt listen.
I always made excuses for his behavior. I know...love is blind; but it shouldn't make you stupid too. Right? Tough dumb luck, im both.
Not long after, i got a good job opportunity with better pay and benefits. He was excited for me which made me happy. I care a lot about his opinion. I work for one of the country's renowned news station in the On Air graphic department. It's a demanding job with working hours could exceed 15 hours a day.
But somehow, to him my job is so insignificant that he sums it all down to copy and paste job. Not like his job; very important. (he helps solve people having I.T related issues) Why cant both of our job be important tho?
He has been nagging me to come visit him for so long that i worked extra hours to have enough money to visit him. (it's not freaking cheap!) I've met some good people here on Similar Worlds and most of them asked me why i was the one having to go visit him and not the other way around. So i asked him why he didn't visit me instead and he told me that it'll be too expensive for him. (and not too expensive for me?)
In the name of love, i complied.
Flew thousands of miles just to go see him. You'd expect he'd come get me at the airport like some Hallmark love movies right? Nope. He asked me to take a cab and go to the nearest McDonald. His reason was he's new to the area so it'll be easier for him to find me at the nearest landmark. And there i thought Atlanta airport should be a big ass enough landmark to find!
Told him not to give me a hard time and just come find me at the airport. Thank god he actually listen. Felt like it was a damn miracle!
Guess what i found out when i was in the car with him?
He have a 18 years old son and his cat Squeak's real name is Pudding. F*ck me.
Why in the world did i not use my brain more? Why did i ignored all the nagging wrong feeling in my guts? Why im loving all wrong? Why cant i have the easy way in love..
Thanks for your time reading.
I'm currently seriously considering my life new options.
My first ever committed romantic relationship lasted for almost 5 years. We met while we're studying in the same university. He was from the Saudi and i'm just a local girl. Even when he went back to Saudi after we graduated, we still continued our relationship. Texting, calls, facetime, skype. Name it. We were in love.
Then finally, we arrived at the stage where he wanted to meet my parents to ask my hand in marriage. I was beyond happy. To spend the rest of my life with the love of my heart. Who in the world wouldn't be happy!?
Long story short, his mother didn't approved. She wanted him to marry a girl from his country. He had a huge fight with his family for days because of this. I know he was especially close with his mother.. and the whole situation was tearing him inside. So i did what was best. I let him go.
He got engaged a month after we broke up and got married few months after that.
His new wife have the same name as me. I know, because he called me to share the good news. I congratulated him with a smile while my mending heart broke to million pieces. Again.
I wasn't mad at him for being happy. I was disappointed and sad of my shitty luck.
Close to a year after that, i met someone on EP. We became internet friends and long after getting to know each other for months, we decided to become a LDR couple. Everything is sunshine and rainbow again for me. I was happy.
Lets call him Mr. T. He's an American. Not quite tall, more on the buff side, beautiful brunette, shoulder length hair, pale green eyes, wicked killer smile. A neat freak. Can be stubborn as a mule and refuse to get on with the latest technology.
He moves around a lot because of work. Currently lives in Atlanta working from home as I.T. person for the U.S gov. He's a few years older than me. Single. Never married. Have a pet fat cat name Squeaks.
Next year February will be our 4 years together. (on-off).
Everything was great in the beginning. Then gradually he changed. I changed too. One moment everything was fine then another suddenly shit storm happen. There were times i'd feel like i was walking on glass with him. Wrong word and he'd snapped and we'd get into a fight. I hate fighting. It's tiring. So i'd always try to appease him. Which deep in my head i know that's actually a dumb move.
I love him to bits but he's not making it easier to love him. He told me that his family abandoned him when he was 24 years old, his mother doesnt love him and his father left when he was a baby, he was fired from jobs 3 times, his best friends doesnt want to reconnect. He said his luck in life is the worse kind of luck. Like the world is against him. I feel bad for him. I empathize him. So i try to love him the best i can. But loving him now feels like im losing myself bit by bit everyday and it's eating me inside.
When i tried to talk to him about some issues, it will somehow always ended up with how man is superior than woman and dont have these useless feelings, getting emotional over things and dont have to deal with periods etc. So i quit talking to him about things. Because somehow im never good at arguing and he's an expert at twisting words and always want to win and i didnt want us to fight.
2 years into the relationship, I found out his real name is not Mr. T. It's Mr. R. I asked him why did he gave me a fake name and he told me that he didn't think we'd last this long. (WTH) Same goes for his birthday date. He gave me a fake date. Twice. That should be a warning bell, but my stupid brain wouldnt listen.
I always made excuses for his behavior. I know...love is blind; but it shouldn't make you stupid too. Right? Tough dumb luck, im both.
Not long after, i got a good job opportunity with better pay and benefits. He was excited for me which made me happy. I care a lot about his opinion. I work for one of the country's renowned news station in the On Air graphic department. It's a demanding job with working hours could exceed 15 hours a day.
But somehow, to him my job is so insignificant that he sums it all down to copy and paste job. Not like his job; very important. (he helps solve people having I.T related issues) Why cant both of our job be important tho?
He has been nagging me to come visit him for so long that i worked extra hours to have enough money to visit him. (it's not freaking cheap!) I've met some good people here on Similar Worlds and most of them asked me why i was the one having to go visit him and not the other way around. So i asked him why he didn't visit me instead and he told me that it'll be too expensive for him. (and not too expensive for me?)
In the name of love, i complied.
Flew thousands of miles just to go see him. You'd expect he'd come get me at the airport like some Hallmark love movies right? Nope. He asked me to take a cab and go to the nearest McDonald. His reason was he's new to the area so it'll be easier for him to find me at the nearest landmark. And there i thought Atlanta airport should be a big ass enough landmark to find!
Told him not to give me a hard time and just come find me at the airport. Thank god he actually listen. Felt like it was a damn miracle!
Guess what i found out when i was in the car with him?
He have a 18 years old son and his cat Squeak's real name is Pudding. F*ck me.
Why in the world did i not use my brain more? Why did i ignored all the nagging wrong feeling in my guts? Why im loving all wrong? Why cant i have the easy way in love..
Thanks for your time reading.
I'm currently seriously considering my life new options.
