I Have a Confession

Who am I really fooling? My peers who look up to me, or myself? Yes, I am capable of holding the highly intellectual discussions I am quite known for. That is what's saddening. The fact that, I can do that, yet I do terrible at school. No one should look up to me. I'm a failure. What did I do this past two years? Nothing but slack off. I slacked off horribly. I never did my homework. I never had an F in a class before. Sure, my year-to-date for that class ended up being a B, but how is a 3.4 GPA close to being spectacular? All because I didn't try. I was lazy. I used to hold a 3.8GPA without trying, and with some effort, I'd have pulled a 4.0. I don't know what happened after 9th grade. It feels even worse when everyone expects me to be the one person they are sure has straight A's.But what hurts the most is not the fact I disappointed them, but the fact that I disappointed myself.

And what? I expect to get into Princeton with an 1820 SAT Super score and a 3.4 GPA? The cake isn't exactly a lie—it exists, but I will never reach it. Not at this point. At one point, I probably could have. But now, all my hopes and dreams have been shattered. The only thing that could prevent me from falling through the ice is a few technical papers on four theories I have developed. These theories are not child's play, and as such, are my last chance. My entire future depends on me getting into a good college. If I don't... I'm ruined. And with this in mind, I still goofed. With this in mind, I'm sitting here typing this up instead of studying for the SAT Subject Tests on Math II and Physics that I'm not fully prepared for. I should be fine on for the Math II, but I'm screwed for the Physics.

But still... my entire future depends on these few papers I write. Even if my theories are wrong, Princeton would recognize my effort, and hopefully let me in. My entire future depends on it. If not, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Any less and I'm not qualified enough for credibility. Princeton is #1 in Cosmology and #3 in Topology (or the other way around). There is nothing better to balance the two desired majors.

How is that for Chaos Theory? Write these papers well, and I save my arse. Don't, and my entire future is shattered. All down to this one small thing I can't even guarantee will save my arse...

Oh woe; why hath I brought this burden unto myself? Why dost thou not realize I am not as respectable as thoust respects me? Oh woe; I can do very many things; however, poor organization and procrastination be the bane of my existence.

What have I done? What have I done? What have I done...
*crumples into a heap*

TinkerTheTock

Now looky here missy. Chin up, mind alert.

No one gives a flying monkey eating a pillow what papers say. You are procrastinating because your mind is still developing, and you are not ready to pursue the expectations set before you. While you CAN do it, it isn't to centre of your attention, and how could it be? Your theories are a result of your true aspiration. (I really hope I didn't make a spoof in that assumption). I am attempting to be genuine, the systems in which humanity has formed it's education facilities and the requirements it lays on the minds of its youth are imperfect in timing. You should be required to learn, when you want to learn, not while you are struggling to figure yourself out. With that in mind, do not forget that you are this strange little human on speck of microscopic dust who's constructs mean little to nothing to the rest of the universe. Be an explorer, be an observer, be content with having that ability alone. You don't have to be perfect, you do not have to have a perfect record, you just have to pursue what you find to be curious and if you are feeling charitable, sharing it with the rest of us ;)

P.S.

I have completely forgotten that I have an Anthropology assignment due tomorrow. Fark, arse, girls, drink! (Reference Youtube: Father Ted, Father Jack Quotes). Yours dearly, that creepy female alien thing that keeps following you around.