I Have a Confession
My Sunday Confession
😟Well where do I start. Am I doing well ? : No. Lately I have been unstable. Barely holding myself together. I feel like my feelings are going out of control. Man~ I have been battling depression for a very long time (almost everyday I guess). Now I wonder if I'm at my limit. I feel so dead inside.
I try to be a positive person. Be a better me. Doing good. Well darn it! The world can be very cruel. Things doesn't always go the way you expect. 🙄Sometimes I complain to God like - Why of all people this have to happen to me, I mean look at me.
One thing that always gets me down is temptation. Yeah I mean falling into one of those temptations and later feeling very guilty. Yes, I'm a sinner. Committing a sin is not a good thing. And one where you just keep on doing it even though you know its wrong really mess you up. Nowadays I cannot even bring myself to go to church let alone even pray. It's not because of clothes or laziness but regrets. I feel so guilty and there are days when I think I don't deserve Gods' love. I mean seriously, I'm so stupid. Never learning my mistakes. So far God has been merciful to me. I don't blame him for the way I am and I never will. The mistakes are mine alone for I am a human with the right of free will to make my own decisions.
When I'm depressed I stay in my room whole day as If I'm in prison. 😟Which is a very unhealthy lifestyle. Just watching movies, tv series, anime, dirty videos on the computer. Listening to music, sleeping and eating a lot (gosh I wish I don't feel like eating when I'm depressed but that is not the case). And what worst, repeating those habits everyday. Man~ seriously I need to live my life.
Lately I've lost interest in entertainment and all. So far I could only watch movies for about 30 to 40 minutes and then I would just lost interest. I'll try to sleep during the day but when I wake up, my head always feel dizzy. I try to wake up late too but always getting up early. Well not much good dreams these days. I spend my sad days doing some house works but even if I have completed my work I don't feel any joy. 😩Where did my happiness go ?
I don't know anymore. Just don't have faith in myself anymore. Am angry at myself and afraid and scare.😞
Thanks for taking your time in reading this whoever you are.
😟Well where do I start. Am I doing well ? : No. Lately I have been unstable. Barely holding myself together. I feel like my feelings are going out of control. Man~ I have been battling depression for a very long time (almost everyday I guess). Now I wonder if I'm at my limit. I feel so dead inside.
I try to be a positive person. Be a better me. Doing good. Well darn it! The world can be very cruel. Things doesn't always go the way you expect. 🙄Sometimes I complain to God like - Why of all people this have to happen to me, I mean look at me.
One thing that always gets me down is temptation. Yeah I mean falling into one of those temptations and later feeling very guilty. Yes, I'm a sinner. Committing a sin is not a good thing. And one where you just keep on doing it even though you know its wrong really mess you up. Nowadays I cannot even bring myself to go to church let alone even pray. It's not because of clothes or laziness but regrets. I feel so guilty and there are days when I think I don't deserve Gods' love. I mean seriously, I'm so stupid. Never learning my mistakes. So far God has been merciful to me. I don't blame him for the way I am and I never will. The mistakes are mine alone for I am a human with the right of free will to make my own decisions.
When I'm depressed I stay in my room whole day as If I'm in prison. 😟Which is a very unhealthy lifestyle. Just watching movies, tv series, anime, dirty videos on the computer. Listening to music, sleeping and eating a lot (gosh I wish I don't feel like eating when I'm depressed but that is not the case). And what worst, repeating those habits everyday. Man~ seriously I need to live my life.
Lately I've lost interest in entertainment and all. So far I could only watch movies for about 30 to 40 minutes and then I would just lost interest. I'll try to sleep during the day but when I wake up, my head always feel dizzy. I try to wake up late too but always getting up early. Well not much good dreams these days. I spend my sad days doing some house works but even if I have completed my work I don't feel any joy. 😩Where did my happiness go ?
I don't know anymore. Just don't have faith in myself anymore. Am angry at myself and afraid and scare.😞
Thanks for taking your time in reading this whoever you are.
