I Have a Confession

It's Nov 1, 2012 and im just thinking and drifting thru diffrent moments in life, chances given and wasted. Moments of happiness and sadness, great achievements that even to myself mesmerizes and leaves me reflecting on how I've gotten here after struggles and ranting memories. God has it's plans and purpose, i can't even express exactly how God does his decisions or annotations. Sometimes life is arduous and full of confusion, jealousy toughts that can't not be handled by my mind itself or talking about it. I sometimes feel im not even in my correct time or planet. I love music and djing but I as well had experienced pain and suffering thru it's world of music, thankly not me personally other than 1-2 occasions but seeing how this world is. I don't blame or judge the crowds enjoying it's party's but the dark world behind it, i might just be a young teen or to some not have a clue of what im talking about or just confuse(well honestly i do feel confuse :/   ) I feel confuse about love /friendships/ relationships way diffrent to what my parents talked to me about my whole life growing up. To how one day you can be in your moment of shine & glory compared to the moments went your feeling the feel or rejections and hatte. It ain't no good feeling, it makes me feel a emptyness in my life. Im thankful to God for putting me the best chick friend a guy can ever have, i don't doubt that but what i do doubt is girls-i know im too young to be thinking of commitment and marriage distinct ideas at my age but what does come to mind is my love future.  For some might be a joke and a dumb thing,yup i know....but i don't want the mother of my kids a girl that use to be a hoe back in her teen days. I might be thinking to the extremes here but that's my honest opinion about my love future. I just pray to God that my life all falls in it's place accordingly.