I Have a Confession

My entire life, I've wanted to become pregnant. As a 3 year old, 10 year old, 16 year old, 19, I've always wanted it.  As a kid, I would stuff a stuffed animal or pillow under my shirt or inside zip up pajamas to pretend to be pregnant. When I was 8, I began to pretend to give birth by lying on my bed and pushing my stomach muscles to push the baby out. I did this while I had the pillow in my pajamas. Every single time I stayed home from school, I would pretend to be pregnant all day. When I hit puberty, I realized I was gay, and began to play with my nipples. If my hands weren't doing something else, I would be playing with my nipples. This happened constantly, at home, school, lunch, bus, even at the dinner table. When I got to high school, I realized that I wanted to lactate. and by the time I got to college I wanted breasts as well. In college, I began squeezing my chest as if to express milk, and it has caused significant breast growth. I used to just have pointy nipples, now I have 38A breasts. I hope to be lactating by the time I'm in my mid-20s, when I no longer have to lifeguard in the summer. I still wish I could become pregnant and I still pretend I am when I sleep, but obviously, that cannot happen. I don't know why I have any of these desires, they've just always been there. Whats strange is that I don't want to be a girl; I want my male face, arms and legs, but I want a female reproductive system and breasts. Again, while I will never have a uterus, I hope to have breasts and Ive already grown small ones.