I Have a Confession

Now, it may not be the worst thing I did but it was definetly a red flag for what is to come. So, there I was, watching a spongebob episode I'd never seen. I'm barely 5 minutes in and all 4 of my step-siblings come home from their dad's house. It's pretty normal. They're talking loud, I'm patiently waiting for them to settle down so I can finish watching this episode. About 10 minutes after everyone's seated, Sydney (female, 8), starts yelling at Austin (male, 15) to give her pencil back. Now, this pencil was over a foot long and about 3/4 of an inch wide, so for an 8 year old, it was kinda cool. Finally pushed over the edge, I internvene, me being a 22 year old female, and not only tell him off but actually try to take it from him. At first he thinks I'm joking, though I don't know how if I feel dead serious, and after a pitiful tug-o-war, I finally take it from him, but not before accidently stabbing myself in the shoulder with it and give it back to Sydney. Then realizing that I just did exactly what my dad would've done in my place, I stalk off but not before I point out angrily that there is no peace in this house for 5 minutes before someone finds something to fight over. I mention that they seem to be drawn to fights and not peace. and I finally walk away muttering about how I can now see where my dad was coming from the whole time. After being in my room for just a few minutes, it occures to me what I'd done, and that it wasn't like me at all to take those kinds of measures to keep the peace. This ridiculous war between my stepmother and my dad has finally gotten to me and surely the kids are next. All this animosity and negative energy is doing none of us any good. I would go into detail about it, but there are really no words for the torrential downpour that is my dad's 4th marraige. Any other day, negative energy rarely affects me. But ever since I reacted the way I did on Austin, I've felt dirty and contaminated by this house that is no longer a home. They've been fighting and crying so much that it's actually starting to affect me and my lifestyle. I've considered apologizing to Austin but felt too ashamed to say anything about how it wasn't really me that said and did those awful things, it was the marriage that I am trapped beneath.