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I Have a Confession

[c=#7700B2]My Sunday Confession [/c]

馃槦Well where do I start. Am I doing well ? : No. Lately I have been unstable. Barely holding myself together. I feel like my feelings are going out of control. Man~ I have been battling depression for a very long time (almost everyday I guess). Now I wonder if I'm at my limit. I feel so dead inside.

I try to be a positive person. Be a better me. Doing good. Well darn it! The world can be very cruel. Things doesn't always go the way you expect. 馃檮Sometimes I complain to God like - Why of all people this have to happen to me, I mean look at me.

One thing that always gets me down is temptation. Yeah I mean falling into one of those temptations and later feeling very guilty. Yes, I'm a sinner. Committing a sin is not a good thing. And one where you just keep on doing it even though you know its wrong really mess you up. Nowadays I cannot even bring myself to go to church let alone even pray. It's not because of clothes or laziness but regrets. I feel so guilty and there are days when I think I don't deserve Gods' love. I mean seriously, I'm so stupid. Never learning my mistakes. So far God has been merciful to me. I don't blame him for the way I am and I never will. The mistakes are mine alone for I am a human with the right of free will to make my own decisions.

When I'm depressed I stay in my room whole day as If I'm in prison. 馃槦Which is a very unhealthy lifestyle. Just watching movies, tv series, anime, dirty videos on the computer. Listening to music, sleeping and eating a lot (gosh I wish I don't feel like eating when I'm depressed but that is not the case). And what worst, repeating those habits everyday. Man~ seriously I need to live my life.

Lately I've lost interest in entertainment and all. So far I could only watch movies for about 30 to 40 minutes and then I would just lost interest. I'll try to sleep during the day but when I wake up, my head always feel dizzy. I try to wake up late too but always getting up early. Well not much good dreams these days. I spend my sad days doing some house works but even if I have completed my work I don't feel any joy. 馃槱Where did my happiness go ?

I don't know anymore. Just don't have faith in myself anymore. Am angry at myself and afraid and scare.馃槥


[c=#BF0080]Thanks for taking your time in reading this whoever you are.
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SW User
I am this way to an even worse extent. I am either sorrow or void or horror.
OtuLight22-25, M
馃様Sorry to know that.[@634142,LadyofRage]
SW User
[@527357,OtuLight] Thank you. .I am for you as well.
Specialyouare31-35, F
You know what gets to me in this life? That people ONLY want us on the condition that we are pleasing, productive, and harmless. Only wanted on condition. It also hurts me to see so much of the world in pain and others鈥 apathy at me attempting to be nice.
OtuLight22-25, M
True true.[@641660,Specialyouare]

 
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