I Feel Totally Alienated

I always feel alienated, online, and nowadays, even in real life. But if I think about it, maybe it's my fault because I don't really put any effort into interacting with anybody. I don't really let people in. My walls are built up high that even the people I let in still feel tested every time.

On the other hand, when I decide that I want to change that feeling of alienation, I don't know what to do. I hate small talks. I don't kiss ass. I don't force conversations because it's unnatural.

I don't know, maybe I'll always feel like this forever. Or you know, change my shitty attitude.