I want to talk to who I want but ...
Being married prevents being able to talk to old pals, buddies from college , or ex boyfriends. Why ? Well because the other person gets jealous. I am the same way though too. If Yes I was single , I think right now I would want to say hi to someone that meant alot to me , a past lover that my parents bullied me out of dating. Made it hard for me. Not proud of it. But it happened. I think about him time to time.
I feel like I have fu**ed up sooo many relationships. Friends mostly. I misss someone who was once my best friend in my 20s , a female. She ended it with me because she said she was envious of my life. That had bothered me because my parents were soo harsh to me and emotionally abusive and verbally but yet my best friend was envious of my life. I mean granted maybe i never vented to her about my family problems , i dont remember why. But that just means she assumed a book by its cover. She met my folks a handful of times in 2 years of friendship. They were prejudice. They didnt portray it to people but .... said such hurtful and nasty , ridiculous , stupid statements and comments to me.
I lost my other best friend just 5 years ago , a guy friend. He played mind games with me then told his wife i was crazy and blamed me with false accusations all because he did have feelings for me and was scared someone would find out. He was 17 years older than me but i didnt have a physical or sexual crush but he emotionally was there for me. I had a hard time getting over our friendship. It led me actually to a bad path that i am still struggling with. Nothing to do tho with him anymore.
I am 46 and moping about these things internally now.
I feel like I have fu**ed up sooo many relationships. Friends mostly. I misss someone who was once my best friend in my 20s , a female. She ended it with me because she said she was envious of my life. That had bothered me because my parents were soo harsh to me and emotionally abusive and verbally but yet my best friend was envious of my life. I mean granted maybe i never vented to her about my family problems , i dont remember why. But that just means she assumed a book by its cover. She met my folks a handful of times in 2 years of friendship. They were prejudice. They didnt portray it to people but .... said such hurtful and nasty , ridiculous , stupid statements and comments to me.
I lost my other best friend just 5 years ago , a guy friend. He played mind games with me then told his wife i was crazy and blamed me with false accusations all because he did have feelings for me and was scared someone would find out. He was 17 years older than me but i didnt have a physical or sexual crush but he emotionally was there for me. I had a hard time getting over our friendship. It led me actually to a bad path that i am still struggling with. Nothing to do tho with him anymore.
I am 46 and moping about these things internally now.
