I went for a coffee with another woman from the island, I was happy to see her but it didn't feel as good as it could.
I am finding that I am holding back my energy in my relationships. I can understand, I am fast, and moving, and they are staying here and focused on their lives. It makes it really hard for me though to find people that match my energy and rhythm and I really miss that around me..
I suggested to that woman to create together, since I like her, then she brought up one of her 17 year old students to join the project. I was like, you know I want to work and grow.
I don't like that I have to be doing that and I have to protect my work like that. Isn't it a fact?
It was always the case in the past, let's include everyone in my project until it fails.
I am very focused and know what I want to do, I do not need more trials to be taking me astray ?
I am overreacting I am aware and obviously a young one is welcome and is going to bring things and helping.
But you understand what I mean?
Is my work! I am trying to move it forward. I cannot have children playing with it?!
Nevermind, I just felt a bit not taken seriously.
And it is always I, inviting such energies around me, that want to just bring whatever and do anything.
Is like you are about to construct something and I am like, take John with you to learn from you.
Those Johns over the years that I've been carrying around, I am a little unsure about the exchange at this moment.
Obviously it is not about the incident, my anger, is about having betrayed myself so many times by saying yes while meaning no.
And I told her how I am positive about the youngster whilst I truly am not. I mean, I am, but not in the sense to be open to her about my whole project.
At least, I've managed to make myself clear, somehow.
I mean , I am suggesting something TO YOU, because I appreciate your work and approach, not to be directed to some irrelevant beginner, you know... I felt betrayed.
It was silly from my side too, to take it so lightly and just bring it up like that, instead of coming with a written thing or perhaps devoting a specific time. Apparently, I am still learning and this is why I am getting this.
I know what "I should be doing" and yet not doing it!
I am happy I can say these out loud.
I'd rather do so, than suck it up and move to the next positive thing.
Phew took it out of my chest and mostly my belly - it stayed there.
Now I can go and rest. And learn from my actions - I will stop calling them mistakes for a start!!!
I suggested to that woman to create together, since I like her, then she brought up one of her 17 year old students to join the project. I was like, you know I want to work and grow.
I don't like that I have to be doing that and I have to protect my work like that. Isn't it a fact?
It was always the case in the past, let's include everyone in my project until it fails.
I am very focused and know what I want to do, I do not need more trials to be taking me astray ?
I am overreacting I am aware and obviously a young one is welcome and is going to bring things and helping.
But you understand what I mean?
Is my work! I am trying to move it forward. I cannot have children playing with it?!
Nevermind, I just felt a bit not taken seriously.
And it is always I, inviting such energies around me, that want to just bring whatever and do anything.
Is like you are about to construct something and I am like, take John with you to learn from you.
Those Johns over the years that I've been carrying around, I am a little unsure about the exchange at this moment.
Obviously it is not about the incident, my anger, is about having betrayed myself so many times by saying yes while meaning no.
And I told her how I am positive about the youngster whilst I truly am not. I mean, I am, but not in the sense to be open to her about my whole project.
At least, I've managed to make myself clear, somehow.
I mean , I am suggesting something TO YOU, because I appreciate your work and approach, not to be directed to some irrelevant beginner, you know... I felt betrayed.
It was silly from my side too, to take it so lightly and just bring it up like that, instead of coming with a written thing or perhaps devoting a specific time. Apparently, I am still learning and this is why I am getting this.
I know what "I should be doing" and yet not doing it!
I am happy I can say these out loud.
I'd rather do so, than suck it up and move to the next positive thing.
Phew took it out of my chest and mostly my belly - it stayed there.
Now I can go and rest. And learn from my actions - I will stop calling them mistakes for a start!!!
