When it rains, it pours.
First, there was the move. I had to move out of my house. At first, I thought that it wouldn't be a big deal but it's actually caused me a lot of stress. I don't feel at home anymore. I don't feel at peace.
At the same time as the move, I decided to go to rehab for alcohol addiction. That goal clashes with moving since I'm less comfortable in my new home. It increases my anxiety and makes want to drink more.
On top of those, in the middle of moving, a doctor told my dad that his cancer has doubled. It scared the crap out of me and I went into a depression over it. He got a second opinion about that and the second doctor said that his cancer has stayed stable. So now we're just confused. He will go for a third opinion soon. Hopefully the second doctor is right.
On top of all that, just recently, my best friend of over 15 years, who I admire and look up to, told me that we won't be able to talk for an extremely long time. I don't know if that means months or decades or forever. There were times in my life that I really only kept living for this person and I can't imagine any extended period without them.
After that that last thing happened, I decided (though I'm not proud of this) that I just want to give up being sober and drink all I want to numb the pain. So I did that for a few days.
Then I saw my doctor today and she said that my liver is showing early signs of damage. So no more drinking.
So now I'm stuck dealing with all of this, completely sober. I'm not entirely sure I have ever been as depressed in life as I am right now. I don't want to do this. Especially alone. But unless I want to die of liver disease, I have no choice.
I know that nobody here has a magic word to make it all better. I just needed to let it out. I am in pain.
At the same time as the move, I decided to go to rehab for alcohol addiction. That goal clashes with moving since I'm less comfortable in my new home. It increases my anxiety and makes want to drink more.
On top of those, in the middle of moving, a doctor told my dad that his cancer has doubled. It scared the crap out of me and I went into a depression over it. He got a second opinion about that and the second doctor said that his cancer has stayed stable. So now we're just confused. He will go for a third opinion soon. Hopefully the second doctor is right.
On top of all that, just recently, my best friend of over 15 years, who I admire and look up to, told me that we won't be able to talk for an extremely long time. I don't know if that means months or decades or forever. There were times in my life that I really only kept living for this person and I can't imagine any extended period without them.
After that that last thing happened, I decided (though I'm not proud of this) that I just want to give up being sober and drink all I want to numb the pain. So I did that for a few days.
Then I saw my doctor today and she said that my liver is showing early signs of damage. So no more drinking.
So now I'm stuck dealing with all of this, completely sober. I'm not entirely sure I have ever been as depressed in life as I am right now. I don't want to do this. Especially alone. But unless I want to die of liver disease, I have no choice.
I know that nobody here has a magic word to make it all better. I just needed to let it out. I am in pain.
