Unspoken words...

They keep asking me what is wrong?
I keep asking myself what is wrong?
But deep down I know what it is. Its just hard to admit it.
Its the grief...the loss...the constant mourning over a life I could have...
A free life...
Next time, if someone asks me what is wrong, I will tell them that I was a girl with so many dreams. Some of them came true. Some didnt. Some rooted deep fantasies never came true. And I keep grieving over them. I keep fantacising...I keep day dreaming...and it always a mixure of guilt and excitement. The guilt is too strong it wipes off the excitement. Guilt of being unfaithful, ungrateful, unworthy...But I keep telling myself, as long its in ur head, as long as u dont act on it, its safe and u can have it.
But deep down I know that I will make those fantacies materialize...even tho they r wrong and dangerous... that is what I fall asleep thinking about every night. One day...just hang in there..

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thelleen

You have a heavy soul, hun

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@thelleen I'm afraid I do😞

Iknowyourouttheresomewhere · M

This is deeply honest and heartbreaking. You don’t have to carry all that grief, guilt, and confusion alone. Having thoughts or fantasies doesn’t make you unfaithful, ungrateful, or unworthy.
You’re human, and your feelings deserve compassion rather than punishment. You don’t have to make every decision right now or have all the answers today. 😊

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@Iknowyourouttheresomewhere thanks for understanding and ur kind words

Iknowyourouttheresomewhere · M

@Simplyme33 Very welcome my friend 😊

Nick1 · 61-69, M

Keep dreaming and believing in yourself, it will manifest in your life.

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@Nick1 hope so

Nick1 · 61-69, M

@Simplyme33 It will happen. Believe in power of manifestation.

Kiesel · 56-60, M

Oh, how I understand this…..
Do all you can to live in the now, as best you can….

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@Kiesel Im literally putting all my strength to it

Kiesel · 56-60, M

@Simplyme33 this is something I came across that I’ve applied and incorporated into my morning routine… the moment I wake up, I recite this to myself…
-today I will meet resistance and that’s okay.
-I am grateful for ALL that I have
-I can’t control everything but I can control how I show up
-I am NOT my thoughts; only the thinker of them.
-I am not inferior to anyone

and then just breathe through them all as you recite…
It does help.. it’s helped me

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@Kiesel thank u for the beautiful words. I will try them.

GoFish ·

Road to perdition eh?

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@GoFish seems so...

Jonjdw · 51-55, M

So you think you will do these dangerous things eventually?

And maybe you will and maybe you’ll be able to do them safely when you get to that point in your life. And we all have failures.

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@Jonjdw yeah maybe...Its just a burden that I carry all the time now

WanderingHelplessly · 51-55, M

I won't even say I have a clue what exactly you are going through. I can say that being honest with yourself helps. Being a bit open with people will help to. I know I am happy I was open today with someone.

Simplyme33 · 31-35, F

@WanderingHelplessly It sometimes hurts so bad. Admitting to urself that u have an issue. But yeah. I will let the time decide

WanderingHelplessly · 51-55, M

@Simplyme33 I know it does. However, you can not heal or be without facing all of yourself. I know it took me years, and I still struggle

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