Ridiculousness
If I could have a superpower, it would be invisibility. I do nothing to draw attention to myself. Those times it happens inadvertently feel like my whole insides get squeezed in a vice. Clothes play an important role here. I’m fine if my jeans fit, but I don’t own a shirt that isn’t two sizes too big. If the world can see my shape, they can see too much. But I’ve had a very upbeat summer. Felt brave and happy and more comfortable in the world than usual, and it was in that frame that I ordered my dress for my daughter’s wedding. The picture of my parents dressed up for my wedding still sits in my living room, and I wanted to look nice for hers so she always had a picture where I looked more like I imagine I’m supposed to. No reason I couldn’t handle this. No big deal.
Dress came today. The level of my bravery seems to sink in concert with the raising of that zipper up the back as it pulls everything in around my shape. It’s almost comical in a pitiful sort of way. But she looked so delighted when I tried it on, so I’m going to be working on viewing it as exposure therapy. Ha! Literally! 😂 I’ve grown to understand so many many things just simply don’t matter and people really don’t see most of what they look at. I know in my head that me in this dress is no different. There is no spotlight that will follow me around just because I’m wearing something that fits.
So she repeats over and over for the next four weeks. 😅 Bout time I got over myself.
Dress came today. The level of my bravery seems to sink in concert with the raising of that zipper up the back as it pulls everything in around my shape. It’s almost comical in a pitiful sort of way. But she looked so delighted when I tried it on, so I’m going to be working on viewing it as exposure therapy. Ha! Literally! 😂 I’ve grown to understand so many many things just simply don’t matter and people really don’t see most of what they look at. I know in my head that me in this dress is no different. There is no spotlight that will follow me around just because I’m wearing something that fits.
So she repeats over and over for the next four weeks. 😅 Bout time I got over myself.
