Overcoming the trauma of being ghosted

I remember, each time a dark cloud hovered over my head, it was when I was on a weekend vacation.

The first time, my friend texted me, saying she had something to talk about, while I was sitting in a bus on my way to the Giant Causeway. And I called her, concerned about her wellbeing, and when she realised that I was on a vacation, she hesitated and told me that she will talk once I'm back. She sounded serious. Significantly solemn. I spent the weekend wondering if all was okay, did I do something? Am I getting fired? Etc etc (I have generalised anxiety), only for me to go back on Monday for her to tell me a guy wants to connect with me for marriage. (That's how it works in our community)

So I went on a couple dates or 3. Then on a certain weekend, I was in a bus at the Edinburgh airport, on my way to my BnB, when the guy called. He sounded off. When he realised I'm on a vacation, he hesitated, and told me that he will talk once I'm back. He sounded serious. Significantly solemn. My heart dropped. I dropped a text on Sunday, a long message, just to express my concern and ask if everything is okay, and if he would like something specific from Scotland. I had meant to ask him what he'd like me to bring the day that he called, but because things seemed so off, I felt disturbed and distressed, and when that happens, I go mute and my brain fogs up.
When I was back on Monday, he just called to let me know that it wouldn't work out. I had grown somewhat attracted to him, and I told him it was too early to make any decisions, and I wanted to talk it out. We did. It was a messy conversation. When he dropped me off, I told him that he was right, we wouldn't work out, to which he responded with extreme shock, telling me he had a really bad day, that it's not really who he is. So I gave him a chance. That was my biggest mistake after he had been so rude to me. We took another spin around the block in his car to make up for it. Idk. I just wanted to feel loved.

Then I graduated. And the next morning he drove after work all the way to another town to pick me up at 4 am, and we drove back to our work town. It was 7 am when he tucked me in bed. He walked to the door, opened it, and looked back one last time before shutting it behind him. I knew in that moment that I will never see him again.

And for a week, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was all tears and whimpers, wails and cries. For the next weekend, I had already booked a trip to Scotland, everything was paid for. And this time, I was too physically and emotionally weak to go. Getting out of bed felt like doing 150kg deadlifts. Breathing felt like there was a straitjacket tied too tight around my chest. Every step felt so heavy. Plus this time it was with friends, and I was too emotionally exhausted to pretend to smile and be happy. So I had to drop the plan altogether.
I also had a sh*t ton of packing to do, as I was leaving the country, which I had procrastinated because I was too busy grieving the entire week.

This man ruined every vacation I have tried to have since my exams.

I wish I never knew him.

Never in my life shall I date ever again. I have had enough for a lifetime. I just want to enjoy my new-found freedom, do things my parents never let me do. I am finally learning how to breathe. How can I let anyone take that away from me?
I want to forever cherish my freedom as an adult. I would rather be lonely and free than be in a relationship and imprisoned.