Back to my gratitude list
I spent some time cleaning and it feels good, and I too spend sometime gathering the things for my camping trip.
I don't want to go. Like I wrote earlier somewhere, I know once I get onto the bicycle and few km away from town, and few days away later on, I can see myself being happy. I know the positives of it and I trust everything is happening for my highest good, and yet still I need to say I do not want to go, this is not exactly what I want to do, but this is what I can do, and for that, I am grateful.
That my feet and my bicycle are strong and allow me for independence.
That my spirit is fierce and fearless and worries not about the bushes.
Grateful that I have had all this amount of comfort and food and cats in this house, so so grateful about this.
Grateful I was able to find a job, for the time that I did, and was able to initiate my business and my site.
Very grateful for the trainings I did at the stadium! Sweet spot of the days.
Happy for the coffees I had at all those different cafes whereas I would work on my laptop regarding my art projects.
Enormously grateful for that opening that happened within me which allowed me to step up the bar, when it comes to applying for grands and getting projects sponsored.
Grateful for the time spent with family, even if I felt disgust many times, I still am thankful for it all.
Grateful for the friend I made here, the coworker, to whom I gave a massage and whom gave me art materials.
Grateful to the boss of that job for he gave me his studio key and I was working on my mandala painting.
Grateful to my friend who ordered an art commission from me, which I've been working on.
Grateful to my social media for posting there my stories!
To my drum for accompanying me,
to my cat for licking me all over and purring me to sleep,
for the beautiful paintings in the house,
for the interesting and amazing people I met and worked a little bit regarding the project with the municipality,
for the invitation I got from the municipality to present them a project and all the process this took me through,
for the work to the boat that helped me elevate my way of dressing myself and caring for myself,
for the ice creams I have eaten,
for the nights I walked around listening to tarot readings,
for the time I've spent playing minesweeper
for SWeet SW,
for the new things I bought, the earplugs, the shoes,
for some clothes I was given by my friend,
for the pirate I collaborated with selling the tickets at the boat, for he showed me things,
for the activation I received and I begun seeing a fantasy world around with fairies, dwarves, etc,
for taking pictures of some of my older artworks,
grateful for feeling safe,
for always having food and a bed,
for the inspiration and the courage to sent that mail to that hotel in the forest,
and for the immediate response, and the meeting with that man,
for that night I spontaneously met an ex at a fast food and we shared a meal,
for that day I spontaneously met an older friend at a cafe and we shared a coffee,
for my dad invited me twice for lunch at his place,
for the birthdays of my nieces and buying gifts for all,
for the days I visited churches to light a candle, to rejuvenate in the middle of the day,
for the few meditations I did to revitalize at noon,
for the naps I have taken,
for the cats I have fed,
FOR, FOR, FOR
I can keep on going...!!!!!!
I feel terribly guilty of my ungratefulness again, I am so stupid and greedy. Life is only blessing me.
But then these points of change come, way too often for me, and I have to leave all this beautiful little life that I have built and lived and have to go to some place that is giving me some anxiety. Perhaps these are my challenges for growth. To sculpt me even more, to refine me even more, even if I say that I am tired, that I have had enough, Life says it hasn't been enough. I am writing all these but soon if I go camping I won't be coming here all that much. Maybe that is needed too for a while. I won't be leaving before the end of August. And I still have a little hope that I might find somehow a room which I can use, at least for a week if not more...
I don't want to go. Like I wrote earlier somewhere, I know once I get onto the bicycle and few km away from town, and few days away later on, I can see myself being happy. I know the positives of it and I trust everything is happening for my highest good, and yet still I need to say I do not want to go, this is not exactly what I want to do, but this is what I can do, and for that, I am grateful.
That my feet and my bicycle are strong and allow me for independence.
That my spirit is fierce and fearless and worries not about the bushes.
Grateful that I have had all this amount of comfort and food and cats in this house, so so grateful about this.
Grateful I was able to find a job, for the time that I did, and was able to initiate my business and my site.
Very grateful for the trainings I did at the stadium! Sweet spot of the days.
Happy for the coffees I had at all those different cafes whereas I would work on my laptop regarding my art projects.
Enormously grateful for that opening that happened within me which allowed me to step up the bar, when it comes to applying for grands and getting projects sponsored.
Grateful for the time spent with family, even if I felt disgust many times, I still am thankful for it all.
Grateful for the friend I made here, the coworker, to whom I gave a massage and whom gave me art materials.
Grateful to the boss of that job for he gave me his studio key and I was working on my mandala painting.
Grateful to my friend who ordered an art commission from me, which I've been working on.
Grateful to my social media for posting there my stories!
To my drum for accompanying me,
to my cat for licking me all over and purring me to sleep,
for the beautiful paintings in the house,
for the interesting and amazing people I met and worked a little bit regarding the project with the municipality,
for the invitation I got from the municipality to present them a project and all the process this took me through,
for the work to the boat that helped me elevate my way of dressing myself and caring for myself,
for the ice creams I have eaten,
for the nights I walked around listening to tarot readings,
for the time I've spent playing minesweeper
for SWeet SW,
for the new things I bought, the earplugs, the shoes,
for some clothes I was given by my friend,
for the pirate I collaborated with selling the tickets at the boat, for he showed me things,
for the activation I received and I begun seeing a fantasy world around with fairies, dwarves, etc,
for taking pictures of some of my older artworks,
grateful for feeling safe,
for always having food and a bed,
for the inspiration and the courage to sent that mail to that hotel in the forest,
and for the immediate response, and the meeting with that man,
for that night I spontaneously met an ex at a fast food and we shared a meal,
for that day I spontaneously met an older friend at a cafe and we shared a coffee,
for my dad invited me twice for lunch at his place,
for the birthdays of my nieces and buying gifts for all,
for the days I visited churches to light a candle, to rejuvenate in the middle of the day,
for the few meditations I did to revitalize at noon,
for the naps I have taken,
for the cats I have fed,
FOR, FOR, FOR
I can keep on going...!!!!!!
I feel terribly guilty of my ungratefulness again, I am so stupid and greedy. Life is only blessing me.
But then these points of change come, way too often for me, and I have to leave all this beautiful little life that I have built and lived and have to go to some place that is giving me some anxiety. Perhaps these are my challenges for growth. To sculpt me even more, to refine me even more, even if I say that I am tired, that I have had enough, Life says it hasn't been enough. I am writing all these but soon if I go camping I won't be coming here all that much. Maybe that is needed too for a while. I won't be leaving before the end of August. And I still have a little hope that I might find somehow a room which I can use, at least for a week if not more...
