Just read through a lot of my first account here, after EP...

I'm reading and wondering who the eff is this person... But also it explains a lot of who I became and how I got here. So weird.

It's from 9-10 years ago. My early 30's I thought were so great. I was equally miserable just hiding it behind a persona. Wow.

Actually kinda messed up about it. I'm a jerk.

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robingoodfellow · M

I always get dusche chills when I look at my younger self. I'm so glad I got past it.

You're not a jerk.

EldritchFox

@robingoodfellow I think I've been a jerk for a long time. I've definitely been hurting for much longer than I realized. And pushing people away. But I don't know how to take all the blame, I didn't ask for any of it, I was trying to cope. I want to be better. I want to not be in pain.

BlueVeins · 26-30

It's hard to love someone when you understand who they really are. And nobody knows anyone quite like we know ourselves.

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BlueVeins · 26-30

@EldritchFox It's probably not as bad as you think.

EldritchFox

@BlueVeins it is, I'm alone. I still don't know how to cope with all the pain. I didn't realize I was drinking so much back then. Ugh what a mess. I wish I could dump it in the trash and start over.

BlueVeins · 26-30

@EldritchFox Hugs you

MrSmartyPants · 46-50, M

That was then, and this is now, you see clearly now, dwell not on the past.

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