How can I stop worrying and ruminating about the next age and birthday from now itself?
So now I am 25 and like every year since my 22nd birthday, i panic about my birthday approaching. My Birthday is on 22nd December and this year I will be turning 26. Usually i start panicking or ruminating about it only during November or starting of December as they are close to my birthday but this time I am already ruminating about it now at August itself even though there is still 4 months to go until my birthday. That's mainly because I am such a late bloomer. I missed out so much socially due to bullying and had little to no female interactions at age 10/11 to 22 and only broke out of the shyness at 23 while entering my 2nd year of MBA but my classes were scattered and final semester was dissertation. So yeah I didn't have many social experiences, obviously never had a gf, barely had like 3 hugs from women in my life, still no first kiss, only hanged out with 2 women, barely any friends in general. So yeah ever since 22nd birthday i had been panicking on birthdays about getting older and still fully single, missing out in my formative years etc.
But for some reason I am worrying about it in August itself. Like the age 26 feels genuinely scary now because even though technically the last age of mid 20s, it's only 4 years away from 30. Yesterday I went out to Central areas of our city Bangalore in India and socialized with diverse people including several foreign and Indian women but I am already worrying whether I would be too old for these at 26. Plus I am worried whether I would be too old to still include early 20s(21-23) women in my dating age range pool or just for connections as well at 26 especially if they are out of their undergrads. Yeah now at 25, my age range is 21-30 and from 26 on ward I would finally follow the +-5 years limit on both sides so 21 to 31 age range would be my range and it will change even though I can be more flexible on the older side. But I am worried whether I will be too old already. Socially I kinda feels behind still and many interactions i have are one time. And I am worried whether 25+ is seen through a marriage age lens in India even though I am in no hurry to marry at all and definitely won't do arranged marriage.
And it's not just socially but also professionally asking well. It's been 9 months since my MBA is done and I am job searching as whole for a bit over a year. I am trying so hard applying daily, giving interviews, asking friends to help and networking and many more but yeah this lack of job is making me feel stagnant and maybe that's why I am worrying about my birthday a lot whereas previous years this panic only came during mid to late November. I definitely don't wanna reach 26 without a job. I feel really behind due to this and really want one for real. But there is still 4 months left for my birthday but I am already feeling as if I am no longer 25 and already hit my 26th. I am already feeling whether I am getting too old in general, considered in the "almost 30" category and I missed out on my fun years windows. Online too like reddit acts as if 25+ is too old and grown and should have everything figured out. I am unable to be in the present. Even after a fun positive day yesterday, i am already worrying about the next age and whether I will be too old and whether my life will be stagnant even though I am trying. Tomorrow also I have an interview for which I am preparing and gonna give my 100%. How can I stop worrying about my birthday already at August now as I still have 4 months to go?
But for some reason I am worrying about it in August itself. Like the age 26 feels genuinely scary now because even though technically the last age of mid 20s, it's only 4 years away from 30. Yesterday I went out to Central areas of our city Bangalore in India and socialized with diverse people including several foreign and Indian women but I am already worrying whether I would be too old for these at 26. Plus I am worried whether I would be too old to still include early 20s(21-23) women in my dating age range pool or just for connections as well at 26 especially if they are out of their undergrads. Yeah now at 25, my age range is 21-30 and from 26 on ward I would finally follow the +-5 years limit on both sides so 21 to 31 age range would be my range and it will change even though I can be more flexible on the older side. But I am worried whether I will be too old already. Socially I kinda feels behind still and many interactions i have are one time. And I am worried whether 25+ is seen through a marriage age lens in India even though I am in no hurry to marry at all and definitely won't do arranged marriage.
And it's not just socially but also professionally asking well. It's been 9 months since my MBA is done and I am job searching as whole for a bit over a year. I am trying so hard applying daily, giving interviews, asking friends to help and networking and many more but yeah this lack of job is making me feel stagnant and maybe that's why I am worrying about my birthday a lot whereas previous years this panic only came during mid to late November. I definitely don't wanna reach 26 without a job. I feel really behind due to this and really want one for real. But there is still 4 months left for my birthday but I am already feeling as if I am no longer 25 and already hit my 26th. I am already feeling whether I am getting too old in general, considered in the "almost 30" category and I missed out on my fun years windows. Online too like reddit acts as if 25+ is too old and grown and should have everything figured out. I am unable to be in the present. Even after a fun positive day yesterday, i am already worrying about the next age and whether I will be too old and whether my life will be stagnant even though I am trying. Tomorrow also I have an interview for which I am preparing and gonna give my 100%. How can I stop worrying about my birthday already at August now as I still have 4 months to go?
22-25, M
