Should I give up on having depth and purpose, and commit to being hot and shallow?

@ManOfSteel Thank you 🖤 I think after a lifetime of swimming in the deep end alone, I just want people to acknowledge I exist. I want to be a part of something but instead I'm usually excluded and written off as too much. I want to be seen. I want to be touched. I want to feel real.

Maybe I need to appeal to people first, maybe they need to feel comfortable in the shallow end.

It's not where I want to be, I'm just becoming legitimately afraid of how isolation is affecting me.

The shallow end doesn't mean they're the worst people.

The deep end doesn't mean they're the best people.

But somehow I have to find good people because like most animals, I need some kind of connection to my own. My heart hurts. It hurts worse and worse swimming around, diving deep... The loneliness is starting to do more harm than the good it did.

@EldritchFox I really like your analogy with the pools because it’s such a great way to put it, and I completely understand what you mean about needing connection even if it means wading into the shallow end sometimes. I’m in the same boat, and isolation has done some bad things to me too, but I’m finally making an effort to pull myself out of it. Please know you’re not alone here, because a lot of us genuinely appreciate your presence, and I know I do.

@HijabaDabbaDoo Yup. We all do it. Even more than just surviving, it's respectful too. There are shallow people that are still good people. I respect that goodness more than I need connection. Both would be nice, but that may be a balance I need to find so I have people and my own private depths simultaneously.

Because one thing I have learned that cannot be ignored, is that we need connection. The level of isolation I'm in rn is so unhealthy I feel myself becoming toxic 😞

@EldritchFox we 100% need connection. Doesn't come by easily for people branded as intense. I get it. I'm sorry you're struggling. Something's gotta give. You're wonderful💙

@HijabaDabbaDoo I am intense and I know it. I thought if I focus on being more palpable and prosaic, I could find connection again. It might just be the truth about humans and I don't want to fight that, I'm just a human too.

Thank you for being wonderful too. Thank you for taking the time for me, you are very appreciated.

@Hoodski in my early 30's I got super hot and it was disgusting how people treated me differently/so much better. But I had people in my life. I need people. I've voluntarily mastered solitude. I'm still me, but maybe if I look hotter people won't be grossed out by me completely...

@Selah Then I guess I'm fu cked.

@MagnumPI it's better than not being seen at all