This song reminds me of that phase of my life even now. Do you have any memories with this song too?
So this song is Sleepwalking by the British rock band Bring Me The Horizon which I guess many of you might be knowing. This song was part of my phase about which I don't talk about much. That's because I used to hear this song regularly in early to mid 2018 especially after I was just freshly done with my 12th grade board exams and I was 17. I have often shared how badly I was bullied in school, about my bad engineering years and also about MBA but this phase was different. I am posting it as it's July. So I was very isolated during this phase of my life especially for those 3-4 months when I was freshly done with 12th boards exam as I used to be in home preparing for competitive exams to get into a college, maybe go for evening walks in our neighborhood Munnekolala in our city Bangalore in India, play GTA 4 in PC and repeat. I only had one friend Harshit who was my classmate in 11th and 12th grade visiting me home but it was very occasional and i had no friends as I had trust issues after facing a lot of bullying in school and 0 female interactions due to shyness.
But that isolation wasnt the only thing. I used to also chat with this Scottish man Coary regularly who was a much older man who was like 48 at the time in 2018. So I met Coary on this site SW itself back in May 2016 when I was 15 and this site was newly created. I used to post obsessively about my height on here so some dude was insulting me and bullying me but Coary defended me from him and was chatting with me. As I had trust issues with peer aged boys at the time due to bullying, I used to chat more with him, opened up about the bullying I faced and many more. But our chats became more frequent during that 2018 post-12th boards phase as I was more in home at 17 and we were actually chatting on the Kik app at the time as people on SW here were reporting me as I was spamming about my hometown Siliguri and Falakata(yeah I was just a teenager who was lonely so sharing these a lot) so yeah he said me let's chat on Kik. So yeah the days were literally wake up, study for competitive exams, chat with Coary on Kik all day, play GTA 4, go for evening walks and occasional visits by my friend Harshit and no other peer connections.
Coary was also only attracted to males so he mainly chatted with boys all across the globe and kept saying how he helped other boys, what he chatted, and also some adult stuffs too at times saying I was old enough at 17 as he said 16 and 17 were adult age in his country Scotland. But I would still chat as I had no one else in those 3-4 months. I also got into this self-pleasure habit(i guess you all know it and it starts with the letter M and i still do it now too) which made me feel guilt and regret and I would share about it to Coary and he kept bringing this particular topic. I used to feel irritated and annoyed by his replies. So yeah I used to hear this Bring Me The Horizon song a lot and this song used to mirror my isolation and also how monotonous those days felt. The bridge of the song when Oliver Sykes sings "Your eyes are swallowing me, Mirrors starts to whisper....." made me feel this that yes I was isolated but also at least I had at least someone like Harshit was still visiting me even if it was like only once in 2 weeks. I shared about my bullying and other things to many people later on but kept this Coary chats phase secret and hidden from many and only shared it to my now close and trusted friend Saishyam in 2024 as I trust him enough. Now at 25 too when I hear this song or any BMTH songs, I almost feel as if I am that same lonely isolated 17 year old boy even though I am an adult. So hear this song and say whether you have any such similar memories with this song too?
[media=https://youtu.be/LzqTlf00QuI]
But that isolation wasnt the only thing. I used to also chat with this Scottish man Coary regularly who was a much older man who was like 48 at the time in 2018. So I met Coary on this site SW itself back in May 2016 when I was 15 and this site was newly created. I used to post obsessively about my height on here so some dude was insulting me and bullying me but Coary defended me from him and was chatting with me. As I had trust issues with peer aged boys at the time due to bullying, I used to chat more with him, opened up about the bullying I faced and many more. But our chats became more frequent during that 2018 post-12th boards phase as I was more in home at 17 and we were actually chatting on the Kik app at the time as people on SW here were reporting me as I was spamming about my hometown Siliguri and Falakata(yeah I was just a teenager who was lonely so sharing these a lot) so yeah he said me let's chat on Kik. So yeah the days were literally wake up, study for competitive exams, chat with Coary on Kik all day, play GTA 4, go for evening walks and occasional visits by my friend Harshit and no other peer connections.
Coary was also only attracted to males so he mainly chatted with boys all across the globe and kept saying how he helped other boys, what he chatted, and also some adult stuffs too at times saying I was old enough at 17 as he said 16 and 17 were adult age in his country Scotland. But I would still chat as I had no one else in those 3-4 months. I also got into this self-pleasure habit(i guess you all know it and it starts with the letter M and i still do it now too) which made me feel guilt and regret and I would share about it to Coary and he kept bringing this particular topic. I used to feel irritated and annoyed by his replies. So yeah I used to hear this Bring Me The Horizon song a lot and this song used to mirror my isolation and also how monotonous those days felt. The bridge of the song when Oliver Sykes sings "Your eyes are swallowing me, Mirrors starts to whisper....." made me feel this that yes I was isolated but also at least I had at least someone like Harshit was still visiting me even if it was like only once in 2 weeks. I shared about my bullying and other things to many people later on but kept this Coary chats phase secret and hidden from many and only shared it to my now close and trusted friend Saishyam in 2024 as I trust him enough. Now at 25 too when I hear this song or any BMTH songs, I almost feel as if I am that same lonely isolated 17 year old boy even though I am an adult. So hear this song and say whether you have any such similar memories with this song too?
[media=https://youtu.be/LzqTlf00QuI]
22-25, M