I feel redefined today 🖤

Yesterday was awful, and I still hurt, but I feel different. Stronger.

I am doing the extra work on myself. Reading things that support my healing.

Last night I slept so soundly and when I woke and looked at myself this morning, my cheeks were pink, my eyes were sparkly, my skin was glowing, my hair fluffy and curly, falling down my shoulders. Beauty looked back at me.

I went through a lot. I was loyal to people who were okay with hurting me. I nurtured the good in people when they couldn't see it themselves. I talked to walls, speaking my heart and truth without ever being acknowledged.

I have been called stupid over and over, for being kind, compassionate and merciful. With deep knowing that we are all hurting, we are all struggling. Told I pick the wrong people when I was born into a family that couldn't love me. Treated subpar even though I've faced and beaten every obstacle. Including grief, betrayal, cancer, chronic pain, without anyone ever giving a shit about me.

Today I woke up holding my giant stuffed fox, wrapped in my warm blankets, in my purple room with all my rocks and art and journals and shinies.

I owe no apologies.

Every one who told me I chose wrong or need to make better choices can eat a di ck.

I did great with what I was given.

I don't owe a story of how it's going to get better.

I don't hide my pain because it's not a strength to pretend everything is fine when it isn't. In fact it's deceitful and makes others feel alone with their pain.

I am protected by pain.

I am protected by ghosts of loved ones.

I am protected by empathy and truth.

I'm not a new person. This isn't a fresh start. I will never forget the hell I went through.

I am redefined. By myself.