I'm not pulling away, nor pushing you away, I'm waiting for you to be the person you say you are.
I'm giving you the space to be yourself so you feel comfortable giving to me. Coming to me. Opening to me.
Because I am not limitless give. I don't deserve to fight for every scrap. I shouldn't have to pry for every piece of information about you.
Yet I know well, you may not be the person you say you are. And I'm not the endless person you need me to be.
I have never felt balanced with anyone in my life.
There is always a certain level of infatuation that lingers. It captivates for a time, then people grow bored with my inability to provide everything they need. Be it simple conversation, to full on commitment.
That always feels like, I'm not enough. And gods forbid I have a need, then, I'm too much.
Sweet words flow, then the expectation to sooth anger and every rumple aren't met, then scarcity of connection causes everything to fizzle away.
I get burnt out of going through people with unrealistic expectations of me, of life.
I used to be so chill. I was one of those kind to everyone people that made acquaintance/friends so easily.
Now I'm just tired. Like a whole new generation of mean developed. The older generations ruining everything and the younger pissed off about it.
Humans are so fickle its annoying tbh. Whatever mood one person is in we all have to be in. Yet nothing is ever truly expressed. So complicated yet the simple truth is ignored.
It's boring. Fake. Hateful. But as long as we keep pretending everything is great, nobody cares.
That is very very very weird to me.
Because I am not limitless give. I don't deserve to fight for every scrap. I shouldn't have to pry for every piece of information about you.
Yet I know well, you may not be the person you say you are. And I'm not the endless person you need me to be.
I have never felt balanced with anyone in my life.
There is always a certain level of infatuation that lingers. It captivates for a time, then people grow bored with my inability to provide everything they need. Be it simple conversation, to full on commitment.
That always feels like, I'm not enough. And gods forbid I have a need, then, I'm too much.
Sweet words flow, then the expectation to sooth anger and every rumple aren't met, then scarcity of connection causes everything to fizzle away.
I get burnt out of going through people with unrealistic expectations of me, of life.
I used to be so chill. I was one of those kind to everyone people that made acquaintance/friends so easily.
Now I'm just tired. Like a whole new generation of mean developed. The older generations ruining everything and the younger pissed off about it.
Humans are so fickle its annoying tbh. Whatever mood one person is in we all have to be in. Yet nothing is ever truly expressed. So complicated yet the simple truth is ignored.
It's boring. Fake. Hateful. But as long as we keep pretending everything is great, nobody cares.
That is very very very weird to me.
41-45, F
