On getting older

I work with mostly women so sometimes there’s a bit in the fun morning email that skews a bit more feminine. Apparently today is National Neck Care Day, and while my first thought was strength and mobility, the gal doing the email went straight toward skin care and keeping the neck looking young so included tips on how to keep your neck from exposing your age. The idea of that made me a little sad is all. A bit hypocritically I spose since I’m certainly not immune to it. I color my hair because I’m not ready for the gray I know is plentiful under there, even when I think it looks lovely on other women and downright distinguished on men. I’m not a fashionable sort since clothes have always been whatever I needed to feel comfortably exposed in - or rather not exposed I guess we’d say - but still I’ve always veered away from anything that feels too old. Just lately I’ve noticed I veer away from anything that feels too young as well. It’s become a fine line now of staying in my lane. I’m surprised a little that it touches me at all. I’ve never been a beautiful woman, and there’s no sense in an unremarkable 50s aspiring to an unremarkable 30s. I think for myself, what little I do strictly for appearance is just trying to hold on to this comfort zone. I am familiar with this brand of invisibility and don’t have the courage yet to move on to the next. I don’t stress about the wrinkles or other little changes I know no one else notices. I just want to be that same blur in passing that I’ve been for a while now. The rest of my focus is just on keeping that blur functional. lol It was silly to have such a knee-jerk response to the email. We all have our reasons and our zones of comfort, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with anything that makes a person feel their best. You just hear so much about people thinking their worth is tied solely to their appearance I guess that’s where my head went. I dislike that so much of our experience of the world can be influenced by its reaction to our shell.