Subtle Simplifications of Somber Sentiments
I don’t trust anyone anymore. These past 3 years have stripped away all the faith in people I had left.
And now I know for certain that there’s not one person on this entire planet that understands me or is willing to try and make sense of the shit in my head.
So I’ll keep doing the CBT’s and the Shadow Work for my own benefits. I won’t ever look outside myself again for anything or anyone.
Everything of my present is just a continuation of the life God handed me. I can keep on trying to do what I think is right for reasons I think are right, but as has been proven over a thousand times, I am not entirely enough of anything for anyone in any way.
It’s a hard realization.
It hurts.
But the world spins onward and everyone makes their ways forward. Including myself as life drags me through these endless mud pits and along all these unlighted roads.
I don’t blame anyone for any of it. I just know where I stand inside of it all.
And that’s alone.
Truly a man without a single person he can call his own. With nothing left to hope for save the success of his grandchildren.
And even they at some point will look at me and feel let down by my efforts. Just like every soul that’s come before them and found themselves in my presence.
I type these words in all my useless Anxious Attachment. Knowing that I type to an Avoidant. Knowing that what I’m seeking is some type of validation that I probably can’t accept.
But fuck me if I ain’t ever felt more alone or unworthy in my entire existence….
The world spins off its axis and I can see it. But nobody sees what I see the way I see it.
I finally understand the true depth of it all and the curse of my love and what that does to others.
I finally understand that it has and will always be my fault for being the person I am and that it is my fault for not keeping to myself sooner and saving everyone else from the effects of me.
I prepare myself for a life that winds its way to a place of nothing as it travels down a dimly lit pathway of solitude.
This is what is what.
* NO I AM NOT SUICIDAL SO PLEASE DONT SEND COPS TO MY HOUSE AFTER I GO TO SLEEP *
~The Snowdog
And now I know for certain that there’s not one person on this entire planet that understands me or is willing to try and make sense of the shit in my head.
So I’ll keep doing the CBT’s and the Shadow Work for my own benefits. I won’t ever look outside myself again for anything or anyone.
Everything of my present is just a continuation of the life God handed me. I can keep on trying to do what I think is right for reasons I think are right, but as has been proven over a thousand times, I am not entirely enough of anything for anyone in any way.
It’s a hard realization.
It hurts.
But the world spins onward and everyone makes their ways forward. Including myself as life drags me through these endless mud pits and along all these unlighted roads.
I don’t blame anyone for any of it. I just know where I stand inside of it all.
And that’s alone.
Truly a man without a single person he can call his own. With nothing left to hope for save the success of his grandchildren.
And even they at some point will look at me and feel let down by my efforts. Just like every soul that’s come before them and found themselves in my presence.
I type these words in all my useless Anxious Attachment. Knowing that I type to an Avoidant. Knowing that what I’m seeking is some type of validation that I probably can’t accept.
But fuck me if I ain’t ever felt more alone or unworthy in my entire existence….
The world spins off its axis and I can see it. But nobody sees what I see the way I see it.
I finally understand the true depth of it all and the curse of my love and what that does to others.
I finally understand that it has and will always be my fault for being the person I am and that it is my fault for not keeping to myself sooner and saving everyone else from the effects of me.
I prepare myself for a life that winds its way to a place of nothing as it travels down a dimly lit pathway of solitude.
This is what is what.
* NO I AM NOT SUICIDAL SO PLEASE DONT SEND COPS TO MY HOUSE AFTER I GO TO SLEEP *
~The Snowdog
