One of those guilty stories of my past that I only write on SW
Couple of days ago, expanding my Heart and my forgiveness towards myself, finding more Wholeness, understanding that there is nothing to forgive, but there also is.......so I did send a message asking for communication and reconnection with someone from my past.
Before I leave my country, couple of years before I left for my first big journey, I had cheated my boyfriend with this man I am talking about. My bf then left me and long story short, this man ended up physically hurting me.
After the incident, I was drunk and beaten, I run towards the best friend of my ex boyfriend's house, who happened to be my friend. I was devastated, so confused too. Looking for shelter. Scared.
He let me into his house and he let me crush on his couch. I didn't speak, I didn't want to talk. I just stayed there.
And long story short, after few months I ended up sleeping with him too. A small community. 3 men. All connected. It didn't take long to ostracize me. They stopped inviting me to parties and such.
I left that community and moved and stayed around my house area. I was alone and devastated, but of course, guilty.
I didn't stop there, I went on and tried more to connect - I was an injured personality that really was trying hard to break the veil of my own separateness in the cost of others lives and peace.
The next guy, told me how he couldn't trust me because people where saying things about me.
I will stop here. You understand.
The idea is, I was left alone, a self fulfilling prophecy of my personal beliefs back in the days.
Now I am very different, I do not operate in Life like that any longer. But the whole situation really made me feel that I cannot return back there and how I have no place to call a home.
Of course everything happens for our greatest evolution and I now understand and am able to see.
I messaged that guy who had physically assaulted me, and told him I would like to talk to him.
He replied back and asked what for.
And I wrote a little message about how we have hurt each other, perhaps talk and apologize between us, I wrote about how he was a catalyst to my journey and for that I can see all of the story, both for its good and bad parts.
He hasn't replied, but it is not about him replying any longer. It is about my depth of healing. Ah.
💙
Before I leave my country, couple of years before I left for my first big journey, I had cheated my boyfriend with this man I am talking about. My bf then left me and long story short, this man ended up physically hurting me.
After the incident, I was drunk and beaten, I run towards the best friend of my ex boyfriend's house, who happened to be my friend. I was devastated, so confused too. Looking for shelter. Scared.
He let me into his house and he let me crush on his couch. I didn't speak, I didn't want to talk. I just stayed there.
And long story short, after few months I ended up sleeping with him too. A small community. 3 men. All connected. It didn't take long to ostracize me. They stopped inviting me to parties and such.
I left that community and moved and stayed around my house area. I was alone and devastated, but of course, guilty.
I didn't stop there, I went on and tried more to connect - I was an injured personality that really was trying hard to break the veil of my own separateness in the cost of others lives and peace.
The next guy, told me how he couldn't trust me because people where saying things about me.
I will stop here. You understand.
The idea is, I was left alone, a self fulfilling prophecy of my personal beliefs back in the days.
Now I am very different, I do not operate in Life like that any longer. But the whole situation really made me feel that I cannot return back there and how I have no place to call a home.
Of course everything happens for our greatest evolution and I now understand and am able to see.
I messaged that guy who had physically assaulted me, and told him I would like to talk to him.
He replied back and asked what for.
And I wrote a little message about how we have hurt each other, perhaps talk and apologize between us, I wrote about how he was a catalyst to my journey and for that I can see all of the story, both for its good and bad parts.
He hasn't replied, but it is not about him replying any longer. It is about my depth of healing. Ah.
💙
