Does it mean my personality is still the same if I feel this way at night before sleeping?
So in mid to late 2023 when I was in 1st semester of MBA and 22 year old and got exposed to a more gender balanced environment after a more male dominated engineering setting, i remember getting crush on their woman Anshika who was my classmate, then a female friend like Soniya with whom I went for an outing in our city Bangalore in India during our Bengali festival Durga puja. Especially on that day when Anshika called me cute, I blushed a lot and had a very good sound sleep that night. Same thing happened in early 2024, when I got crush on Akansha in our campus who was the prettiest and talked to her for the first time. The anticipation to meet her and everything gave me a good sound sleep too at night. Same in mid 2024 too at 23 when I overcome my shyness fully and started talking to Dimple in campus and she felt special and that night I had a sound sleep too. I have more examples like during the edtech internship, when this woman Roshini shared her number on her own while we had a long conversation, it made me so happy and I had a sound sleep at night too and before sleeping i was so happy almost cuddling my another pillow.
So you can see how successful moments with women made me have very sound sleeps at night. Yeah at 22-23 as I was just overcoming my shyness, the feelings felt intense and I got very attached at times and those were new(yeah due to bullying, isolation and social anxiety I missed out as a teen so started having these only at 22-25). Now as a 25 year old tho after interacting with women more including both Indian and foreign expat ones, I am much less clingy, get much less attached, know that the women are just being friendly and it doesn't necessarily mean interest, this aspect of good sleep at night still is there now. Like 2-3 days ago in Church Street area of our city, I talked with this amazing German woman who is a tourist and she was very sweet and friendly and similar age group(23-26/27 age range) and she gave double handshake where she used both her hands to hold my hand while giving handshake and that felt special and even a bit intimate to me even though in the conversation I was composed and talked normally like an adult and didn't show the feelings. But at night before sleeping, I was still feeling so happy, remembering that handshake and eventually got a good sound sleep that night haha. So yeah this sound sleep still happens even now after having a great interaction with woman especially other 20s women.
So you can see how successful moments with women made me have very sound sleeps at night. Yeah at 22-23 as I was just overcoming my shyness, the feelings felt intense and I got very attached at times and those were new(yeah due to bullying, isolation and social anxiety I missed out as a teen so started having these only at 22-25). Now as a 25 year old tho after interacting with women more including both Indian and foreign expat ones, I am much less clingy, get much less attached, know that the women are just being friendly and it doesn't necessarily mean interest, this aspect of good sleep at night still is there now. Like 2-3 days ago in Church Street area of our city, I talked with this amazing German woman who is a tourist and she was very sweet and friendly and similar age group(23-26/27 age range) and she gave double handshake where she used both her hands to hold my hand while giving handshake and that felt special and even a bit intimate to me even though in the conversation I was composed and talked normally like an adult and didn't show the feelings. But at night before sleeping, I was still feeling so happy, remembering that handshake and eventually got a good sound sleep that night haha. So yeah this sound sleep still happens even now after having a great interaction with woman especially other 20s women.
22-25, M
