What Others Think Is Not Your Prison: Break Free from the Need for Approval
The strength of this theme speaks to a very real experience, psychologists often call Social Anxiety or approval-seeking behavior—where someone’s thoughts constantly revolve around how they are being judged.
I want to share something with you, because I care about you and want you to feel safe and happy. I don't know about you, but I grew up being a people pleaser. Criticized as a child and made to feel ‘never enough,’ many grow up trying to earn love—becoming people-pleasers trapped by others’ approval.
Here are some truths that we all need to learn in life. I really had no one to help me learn things in life. I had to learn it all by hard trial and error. You probably know most of these or maybe even all, I don't know, but I thought I would share these important things with those who may be struggling:
You don’t have to be friends with everyone, and you don’t have to go along with things that don’t feel right to you. Your instincts matter. If something in you says “this isn’t a good idea,” it’s okay to listen to that and say no.
One thing that really helps people stop being people-pleasers is a very simple sentence you can use anytime:
“I’m going to pass.”
You don’t need a long explanation. You don’t need to defend yourself. Just calmly say, “I’m going to pass.” The people who respect you will accept that.
Something that helps a lot with worrying about what other people think is remembering this simple truth:
Most people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Everyone is mostly focused on their own problems, their own worries, and what other people think of them. The fear that everyone is judging you is usually just your mind trying to protect you, but it isn’t reality.
Also remember this: every time you say yes when you really mean no, you are teaching people that your boundaries don’t matter. But every time you say no to something that feels wrong, you’re teaching people how to respect you.
The right people will respect you more for being honest. The wrong people might get upset — but those are usually the people who were benefiting from you not having boundaries.
Your peace and safety are more important than someone’s opinion. Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong, you’re allowed to walk away.
Remember....If someone will only like you when you go along with everything they want, they don’t actually like you — they like controlling you.
Also remember this: the people who get angry when you set boundaries are usually the people who benefit from you not having any.
Here are three signs you might be around manipulative friends:
They pressure you to do things even when you’ve said you’re uncomfortable.
They make you feel guilty for saying no.
They act like you owe them something just for being their friend.
Real friends don’t do that. Real friends respect your choices.
Something else that might help explain why this is so hard sometimes: when someone has been through a lot in life, they can get used to trying to keep everyone happy so there’s no conflict. That’s a survival habit, but as an adult it can put you in situations you don’t actually want to be in.
Just remember this: you don’t need everyone to like you. The right people will respect you more when you respect yourself. You deserve to feel safe and to make choices that match your own beliefs.
Here's some movies you can watch, that help:
Number One Pick - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
A quiet man who spends his life imagining adventures finally decides to stop living in fear and start living for himself.
Why it helps:
It shows how much life opens up when someone stops overthinking and starts being true to themselves.
Dead Poets Society, with Robin Williams
A teacher encourages his students to think for themselves instead of just following what society, parents, or peers expect of them.
Why it helps:
The message about finding your own voice and not living only to please others is very powerful.
Yes Man -
A man begins saying “yes” to everything and everyone, then learns the difference between healthy openness and losing yourself trying to please others.
Good Will Hunting
It has some of the most honest conversations about insecurity, approval, and self-worth ever put in a film. This film follows a brilliant young man who hides behind sarcasm and tries to meet everyone’s expectations while struggling with deep insecurity. Through therapy and mentorship, he slowly learns that his worth isn’t defined by others’ opinions.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
This film follows a shy teenager who struggles with fitting in and worrying about what people think.
Why it helps:
It gently shows the journey of learning self-worth and realizing you deserve relationships where you don’t have to pretend.
Inside Out
Even though it’s animated, it’s surprisingly deep. The movie explores emotions, pressure, and the struggle of trying to be “perfect” for others.
Mark these down on a separate paper if you have to, right now. I just want you to feel comfortable and safe in your own body, and not under threat, but also knows the rules for a happy life. The above films can benefit anyone. I hope they help you.
I want to share something with you, because I care about you and want you to feel safe and happy. I don't know about you, but I grew up being a people pleaser. Criticized as a child and made to feel ‘never enough,’ many grow up trying to earn love—becoming people-pleasers trapped by others’ approval.
Here are some truths that we all need to learn in life. I really had no one to help me learn things in life. I had to learn it all by hard trial and error. You probably know most of these or maybe even all, I don't know, but I thought I would share these important things with those who may be struggling:
You don’t have to be friends with everyone, and you don’t have to go along with things that don’t feel right to you. Your instincts matter. If something in you says “this isn’t a good idea,” it’s okay to listen to that and say no.
One thing that really helps people stop being people-pleasers is a very simple sentence you can use anytime:
“I’m going to pass.”
You don’t need a long explanation. You don’t need to defend yourself. Just calmly say, “I’m going to pass.” The people who respect you will accept that.
Something that helps a lot with worrying about what other people think is remembering this simple truth:
Most people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Everyone is mostly focused on their own problems, their own worries, and what other people think of them. The fear that everyone is judging you is usually just your mind trying to protect you, but it isn’t reality.
Also remember this: every time you say yes when you really mean no, you are teaching people that your boundaries don’t matter. But every time you say no to something that feels wrong, you’re teaching people how to respect you.
The right people will respect you more for being honest. The wrong people might get upset — but those are usually the people who were benefiting from you not having boundaries.
Your peace and safety are more important than someone’s opinion. Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong, you’re allowed to walk away.
Remember....If someone will only like you when you go along with everything they want, they don’t actually like you — they like controlling you.
Also remember this: the people who get angry when you set boundaries are usually the people who benefit from you not having any.
Here are three signs you might be around manipulative friends:
They pressure you to do things even when you’ve said you’re uncomfortable.
They make you feel guilty for saying no.
They act like you owe them something just for being their friend.
Real friends don’t do that. Real friends respect your choices.
Something else that might help explain why this is so hard sometimes: when someone has been through a lot in life, they can get used to trying to keep everyone happy so there’s no conflict. That’s a survival habit, but as an adult it can put you in situations you don’t actually want to be in.
Just remember this: you don’t need everyone to like you. The right people will respect you more when you respect yourself. You deserve to feel safe and to make choices that match your own beliefs.
Here's some movies you can watch, that help:
Number One Pick - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
A quiet man who spends his life imagining adventures finally decides to stop living in fear and start living for himself.
Why it helps:
It shows how much life opens up when someone stops overthinking and starts being true to themselves.
Dead Poets Society, with Robin Williams
A teacher encourages his students to think for themselves instead of just following what society, parents, or peers expect of them.
Why it helps:
The message about finding your own voice and not living only to please others is very powerful.
Yes Man -
A man begins saying “yes” to everything and everyone, then learns the difference between healthy openness and losing yourself trying to please others.
Good Will Hunting
It has some of the most honest conversations about insecurity, approval, and self-worth ever put in a film. This film follows a brilliant young man who hides behind sarcasm and tries to meet everyone’s expectations while struggling with deep insecurity. Through therapy and mentorship, he slowly learns that his worth isn’t defined by others’ opinions.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
This film follows a shy teenager who struggles with fitting in and worrying about what people think.
Why it helps:
It gently shows the journey of learning self-worth and realizing you deserve relationships where you don’t have to pretend.
Inside Out
Even though it’s animated, it’s surprisingly deep. The movie explores emotions, pressure, and the struggle of trying to be “perfect” for others.
Mark these down on a separate paper if you have to, right now. I just want you to feel comfortable and safe in your own body, and not under threat, but also knows the rules for a happy life. The above films can benefit anyone. I hope they help you.
