Well, I guess it's time to really open up.

I see so many people here with vulnerabilities and yeah I can see how a person like me could run them off. I don't mean to be like this. Imagine a huge fat bee the size of a football buzzing around someone and they turn white swatting in all directions at once in panic. Well the thing is, I'm not there to sting I'm just curious and when I get swat away it makes me sad but then I move on. I've always been high energy, happy etc despite knowing the facts of how this world is. But I also feel forced to stay to myself especially the last several years. Buzzing from flower to flower checking out all the pretty colors so to speak, has only been tiring and painful. It can turn a person into a solitary wasp sometimes. "Stay away from me and you'll be fine". Then I'll end up finding myself in some room, dangling around the ceiling banging up against it looking for a way out while someone is trying to kill me. When the truth is, How the hell did I get in here is there a window or open door? The light bulb won't let me through. Neither will the ceiling. So I eventually escape and end up staying on my nest, never going anywhere to avoid it all. I can't live in pretending or changing my very character in order to gain a friend, and never will try. But that dose of reality produces a bad outlook and I've had to build my own world in a sealed cage where no one can hurt me. But it carries a gray feeling with it. I got hobbies and make music and stuff but it's all alone not shared. I get on here sometimes to release energy just to find that even behind a screen people run from me. It hurts man. So right now today, my mindset is me only. The world proves time and again and again that I need to stay isolated. I no longer look for pretty flowers to hover around. It really sucks that it has to be this way- on my end anyway, but it is. I'm out of ***** to give.