The reason why my undergrad(engineering) years were hard and also the most forgettable years of my life. Can you relate to this?
So I did my engineering in the years 2018-2022 and those 4 years were my most forgettable years. Yeah in middle and high school I was bullied a lot which caused lots of shyness and trust issues but the challenges in my engineering years were different. First of all the main reason was the distance. I gave competitive exams and didn't get the best rank so got this tier 3 engineering college which was in Somanahalli area of Kanakapura Road which was at outskirts of our city Bangalore in India. I stay in Munnekolala area so the college was about 40 km away from my home so I would have to commute a lot which got frustrating and monotonous. Also I felt alienated in the college as most students were Kannada speaking South Indians often from other parts of Karnataka state and I was the only Bengali guy there so even though they spoke in English with me, they only in talk in Kannada amongst each other so I felt out of place. Everyday felt the same monotonous in Kanakapura Road. I was often isolated or alone during lunch breaks and snack breaks as I had a hard time making friends due to trust issues after getting bullied in school.
What made things worse was some of these guys from my college would only come to me for asking money or snacks or academic help and other times they would act as if I didn't exist. On top of that I got backlogs in exams too. 18-19 age was when I had the most peak social anxiety too. In high school years I would listen more to Linkin Park songs as it helped but in Engineering years, I would mostly listen to Korn especially their debut album and Life Is Peachy songs like Faget, Blind, Clown, Kill You, Mr Rogers, Good God etc. I remember not wanting to go out at all like to malls, KFC etc as I felt social anxiety at the time and would rather be in home jamming to Korn or blasting them loud in my speaker. Even on our Bengali festival Durga puja I didn't go out much. Faget was the Korn song I heard the most as it matched my inner frustrations and everything at the time. Even if my parents forcefully took me out, even in places like movie halls, malls, restaurants I felt uneasy and Korn used to play in my mind and I used to feel as if I was Jonathan Davis walking among people enjoying their lives.
I was still very shy near girls and in engineering the gender ratio is heavily skewed so I didn't get practice to overcome my shyness and many of the guys just used me. Then covid pandemic happened and 1.5 years of my college life was in home with online classes. It was one of the worst phase but also a relief that I didn't have to commute so much. But yeah that made me miss out on college too. I wasn't heavily listening to Korn anymore but was hearing Thousand Foot Krutch and also Chester Bennington's side project Dead By Sunrise especially the song Too Late and it was about age 20 when I realized I wanted a girlfriend too but was still too shy and in home mostly. In final year of engineering tho I did get crush on a girl who was my junior in 2nd year and I used to post on this site too in 2022 about her. But yeah I was shy so we chatted on Instagram for 3 weeks and she eventually rejected me. But yeah things didn't go good in final semester of engineering as I got a backlog in one more subject of final semester too. I cleared all previous ones tho but got a new one in the final sem. I eventually cleared it too. Entering MBA in 2023 felt like a huge relief as the students were pan Indian like North Indians, Bengali, Odia, NE Indians etc so didn't feel alienated, gender ratio was more balanced and I eventually overcome my shyness. Now I am 25 and doing much better but yeah still regret how both school and undergrad years were so bad.
What made things worse was some of these guys from my college would only come to me for asking money or snacks or academic help and other times they would act as if I didn't exist. On top of that I got backlogs in exams too. 18-19 age was when I had the most peak social anxiety too. In high school years I would listen more to Linkin Park songs as it helped but in Engineering years, I would mostly listen to Korn especially their debut album and Life Is Peachy songs like Faget, Blind, Clown, Kill You, Mr Rogers, Good God etc. I remember not wanting to go out at all like to malls, KFC etc as I felt social anxiety at the time and would rather be in home jamming to Korn or blasting them loud in my speaker. Even on our Bengali festival Durga puja I didn't go out much. Faget was the Korn song I heard the most as it matched my inner frustrations and everything at the time. Even if my parents forcefully took me out, even in places like movie halls, malls, restaurants I felt uneasy and Korn used to play in my mind and I used to feel as if I was Jonathan Davis walking among people enjoying their lives.
I was still very shy near girls and in engineering the gender ratio is heavily skewed so I didn't get practice to overcome my shyness and many of the guys just used me. Then covid pandemic happened and 1.5 years of my college life was in home with online classes. It was one of the worst phase but also a relief that I didn't have to commute so much. But yeah that made me miss out on college too. I wasn't heavily listening to Korn anymore but was hearing Thousand Foot Krutch and also Chester Bennington's side project Dead By Sunrise especially the song Too Late and it was about age 20 when I realized I wanted a girlfriend too but was still too shy and in home mostly. In final year of engineering tho I did get crush on a girl who was my junior in 2nd year and I used to post on this site too in 2022 about her. But yeah I was shy so we chatted on Instagram for 3 weeks and she eventually rejected me. But yeah things didn't go good in final semester of engineering as I got a backlog in one more subject of final semester too. I cleared all previous ones tho but got a new one in the final sem. I eventually cleared it too. Entering MBA in 2023 felt like a huge relief as the students were pan Indian like North Indians, Bengali, Odia, NE Indians etc so didn't feel alienated, gender ratio was more balanced and I eventually overcome my shyness. Now I am 25 and doing much better but yeah still regret how both school and undergrad years were so bad.
22-25, M
