This will probably make you scratch your head a bit

So this is a cut and paste of a comment I made to a user here who posted an interesting topic of excepting one's own mortality.

I kind of tapped into some deep seeded feelings stemming from my own recent and significantly challenging obstacles that are taking very real and harmful tolls on my well being.

I kind of started the ball rolling in one direction and some cosmic winds came blowing up from behind me and things seemed to take on a life of their own.
When I finished I read back through it and thought it was interesting and possibly more.
If you would be so kind as to give it a read and maybe share your thoughts in the comments. :-)

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On the topic of realizing I am not immortal and some day I will be faced with the inevitable demise of my being and ultimately cease to effect the present in any form except in the memories other s have of me.

I figure I am already on borrowed time as is.
I have had situations, not life or death but still profound, where I was able to look at where I am at and what I have and what I have accomplished and used that realization as a benchmark of sorts.

I guess I am satisfied with what is here and what I have created. But nothing is constant and the universe has a chaotic way about it that seems to thrive on suffering.

Suffering is what it means to be alive and experience a state of awareness that can be seen as reality. When we suffer we are not in a euphoric state of bliss and only aware of the clouds we are set upon with the fleeting comfort of being distracted from the reality that is always looming, waiting to set in and disrupt our harmony and send us back to that disruptive place called life.

Life is mostly dealing with disappointments. It is the journey we are on that will eventually lead us to a place of comfort and happiness as well as a place to rest for a spell and enjoy the quite. Enjoy love. Feel fulfilled with our accomplishments and the victories we have have earned. It's a time to celebrate.

But as life has continuously taught us with out waver or fail, it never lasts. The darkness is the only constant. The one thing you can set your watch by is that good times never last.
That is because the good, easy, happy times are the universes way of rewarding us for fighting through the never ending string of chaos that keeps us in a constant state of unrest and discomfort. It keeps us sharp, alert and aware. Ever ready to take on the next challenge that is the inevitable flame that tempers us and keeps us battle hardened.

We were never meant to live easy comfortable lives full of success and never ending wins.
We were born to suffer.

I have suffered. I have felt the never able to fulfill emptiness as my very own soul. It is my core. It is what makes me the person who has found his place in the endless and unrelenting pain of unfulfilled meaning. It is what I do best. I suffer.



So I just realized I was on a pretty psychotic rant there for a lot longer than I probably should have been.

What I think I was trying to do was put into words with a touch of vivid realization that life is mostly hard.



When the universe finally decides I am of little to no good use as a vessel of suffering and have become more of a determent to the existence of it's ever evolving and churning chaos machine, I will not bow my head and surrender my weapons in hopes of easing my never ending torment. I will dig in and that is when I begin to fight. I will not just walk myself off the battlefield looking for my slice of peace and comfort. I have never felt those things and I will not start now.
The pain is the only thing i have been able to count on to be at my side eternally and faithful in it's cause.
So when I am looking into the cold dark eyes of the inevitable end of my purpose to exist on this plane as the battle hardened, unbending tool life has created me to be in all of my unreasonable and stubborn glory, I will be taken. I will not go softly.