Life - what a weekend that was
Things I learnt this weekend - in the order I learnt them.
My brother might be facing a divorce.
My Dad has terminal cancer.
I'm probably an alcoholic.
I have some incredible friends.
I need a new duvet.
My kids are fantastic.
I met my brother Friday night before going to Dad's on Sat. No wife with him. She's "gone back to California. Couldn't stand how racist England is becoming". He looked heartbroken. His wife is Indian, she has family in Hyderabad although she was born in East Coast USA before moving to California for work and meeting my brother.
As soon as I walked into Dad's I knew what was coming. There was a MacMillan nurse there. He's got Pancreatic Cancer and given a few months to live. My brother was better with the questions which the nurse helped with. Dad has already got some plans agreed and we agreed to them. Home help and hospice care if needed at the end. He's essentially reject any life extending treatment as they'll probably not gain much time given his age and that he has Parkinson's already.
Where did the fire and brimstone preacher of my youth go? A small shallow man who after the nurse left wept. He never did that even when mum passed away. A lot of my resentments against him have disappeared as I cooked him lunch and we sat watching tv through the afternoon. Later on he pulled out two copies of his latest will. Maybe there's still something of the old bulldog Dad in there somewhere.
Back at the hotel my brother and I had a meal. Before I said anything he'd order some red wine. I should have said then "I'm still not drinking." But this was surely one of the days I could drink. We spoke more about him and his wife than Dad. After the main course I said "Go call her. You need to talk about Dad and you and her." He left, leaving more than half the bottle. So I ordered dessert and drank the rest of the bottle. I didn't even head to my room but straight the shop up the road and returned with three more.
I sat my my room, plastic cup in hand then realised, no cork screw. From somewhere a phone call I needed to make came to me. I called a person I've only spoken to maybe twice before about some little matter. We fixed a date for that. Then he said "Are you ok?" I told him all about Dad and the 3 bottles of wine. He knows my good friend who is in recovery. He said "I'm calling her now". In seconds she's on the phone. She was even going to drive the 2 hours to come to me. But in the end I walked up the corridor to my brother's room. He hid the bottles away.
My friends both called in the morning to see how I was and did I need help. Katy was going to drive down to be with me but I said I didn't need that. We went round to see Dad and cook him a dinner. My brother refusing offers of drink as "we've both got long drives Dad".
My kids had just got back from visiting their Aunt in Italy. I drove straight to them and my ex and told them. The kids were incredible asking excellent questions and pushing their dad for a trip to visit grandad as soon as they could. He course jumped in at one point "Well I'm executor of his will I'll need to prepare for that". It was so gratifying to tell him that actually he no longer was. In the new will it is just me and my brother. He's not mentioned at all. Dad has finally seen through him I hope.
The Duvet - I forgot to pack any PJs but the duvet at the hotel was so lovely and warm I didn't feel it. So I need to get a new one. Why I'm fixated on new duvet I have no idea either.
My brother might be facing a divorce.
My Dad has terminal cancer.
I'm probably an alcoholic.
I have some incredible friends.
I need a new duvet.
My kids are fantastic.
I met my brother Friday night before going to Dad's on Sat. No wife with him. She's "gone back to California. Couldn't stand how racist England is becoming". He looked heartbroken. His wife is Indian, she has family in Hyderabad although she was born in East Coast USA before moving to California for work and meeting my brother.
As soon as I walked into Dad's I knew what was coming. There was a MacMillan nurse there. He's got Pancreatic Cancer and given a few months to live. My brother was better with the questions which the nurse helped with. Dad has already got some plans agreed and we agreed to them. Home help and hospice care if needed at the end. He's essentially reject any life extending treatment as they'll probably not gain much time given his age and that he has Parkinson's already.
Where did the fire and brimstone preacher of my youth go? A small shallow man who after the nurse left wept. He never did that even when mum passed away. A lot of my resentments against him have disappeared as I cooked him lunch and we sat watching tv through the afternoon. Later on he pulled out two copies of his latest will. Maybe there's still something of the old bulldog Dad in there somewhere.
Back at the hotel my brother and I had a meal. Before I said anything he'd order some red wine. I should have said then "I'm still not drinking." But this was surely one of the days I could drink. We spoke more about him and his wife than Dad. After the main course I said "Go call her. You need to talk about Dad and you and her." He left, leaving more than half the bottle. So I ordered dessert and drank the rest of the bottle. I didn't even head to my room but straight the shop up the road and returned with three more.
I sat my my room, plastic cup in hand then realised, no cork screw. From somewhere a phone call I needed to make came to me. I called a person I've only spoken to maybe twice before about some little matter. We fixed a date for that. Then he said "Are you ok?" I told him all about Dad and the 3 bottles of wine. He knows my good friend who is in recovery. He said "I'm calling her now". In seconds she's on the phone. She was even going to drive the 2 hours to come to me. But in the end I walked up the corridor to my brother's room. He hid the bottles away.
My friends both called in the morning to see how I was and did I need help. Katy was going to drive down to be with me but I said I didn't need that. We went round to see Dad and cook him a dinner. My brother refusing offers of drink as "we've both got long drives Dad".
My kids had just got back from visiting their Aunt in Italy. I drove straight to them and my ex and told them. The kids were incredible asking excellent questions and pushing their dad for a trip to visit grandad as soon as they could. He course jumped in at one point "Well I'm executor of his will I'll need to prepare for that". It was so gratifying to tell him that actually he no longer was. In the new will it is just me and my brother. He's not mentioned at all. Dad has finally seen through him I hope.
The Duvet - I forgot to pack any PJs but the duvet at the hotel was so lovely and warm I didn't feel it. So I need to get a new one. Why I'm fixated on new duvet I have no idea either.
