The reason why I feel emotionally numb or low on Diwali. Do you feel its a bad thing?
I guess you all know that Diwali is a major Indian festival. Its the festival of light. I am posting and venting about it on here as this site has less Indian people and more Westerners so it won't offend people. So yeah, idk why every year I don't feel great on Diwali. Usually its in October or November but this year its around this time. Idk I enjoy other festivals like Durga puja which is the main Bengali festival. Maybe as a Bengali I might sound biased to Durga puja but I genuinely enjoy it. There is so much to do. There are many places called pandals for Goddess Durga even in our city Bangalore organized by the Bengali committee and there are stalls around and I get to eat noodles, momos, biryani, Ice Gola and this Durga puja I tasted Litti Chokha(a dish popular from the Indian state Bihar) for the first time in a stall. Its so much fun to go pandal hopping in the city and in 2023 I literally went with this girl Soniya from my MBA which made it so memorable but Diwali feels hard. First of all in Diwali, people burst crackers but I don't simply because I am afraid of bursting them as I saw my youngest aunt having injuries in her hand due to a cracker bursting on her hand in West Bengal and I was a very small kid at the time so I avoid bursting them. I also feel irritated and annoyed by the sound of fire crackers around honestly. They are so loud and it hits in my ear hard. Also Diwali happens when the year is almost ending. Like it happens either in late October or early November when year is ending so it makes me reflect more how much the year is wasted whereas Durga puja is slightly earlier.
My birthday which is on 22nd December is close enough too during Diwali(only 2 months away). I am 24 now and this December will be my 25th. Every years especially after hitting my 20s I feel worse when birthday is close as I am getting older. Also unlike Durga puja, we don't get to go out much on Diwali as there aren't big pandals and stalls like Durga puja. We Bengalis celebrate Kali puja but its confined to some small hall or something so no stalls or varieties and its often crowded which feels suffocating to me sometimes. My standards have increased even more after visiting cosmopolitan Central Bangalore areas like UB City mall, Lavelle Road, Church Street, Indiranagar etc which are modern, look more Global and full of foreign expats and I talked with some foreign women there too. Also it feels like the year got wasted as I am searching for a job and MBA freshly done and more in home. I am unable to meet new people as I live with parents so limited freedom and only get to go out once or twice a week to UB City, Lavelle road but have to say my parents excuses like going to meet a friend or having an interview. Now I am feeling extremely numb and low and unable to enjoy anything in Diwali. No excitement about anything. Most Indians wait for Diwali to enjoy but I feel bored and numb during Diwali and even irritated due to constant fire crackers bursting around.
My birthday which is on 22nd December is close enough too during Diwali(only 2 months away). I am 24 now and this December will be my 25th. Every years especially after hitting my 20s I feel worse when birthday is close as I am getting older. Also unlike Durga puja, we don't get to go out much on Diwali as there aren't big pandals and stalls like Durga puja. We Bengalis celebrate Kali puja but its confined to some small hall or something so no stalls or varieties and its often crowded which feels suffocating to me sometimes. My standards have increased even more after visiting cosmopolitan Central Bangalore areas like UB City mall, Lavelle Road, Church Street, Indiranagar etc which are modern, look more Global and full of foreign expats and I talked with some foreign women there too. Also it feels like the year got wasted as I am searching for a job and MBA freshly done and more in home. I am unable to meet new people as I live with parents so limited freedom and only get to go out once or twice a week to UB City, Lavelle road but have to say my parents excuses like going to meet a friend or having an interview. Now I am feeling extremely numb and low and unable to enjoy anything in Diwali. No excitement about anything. Most Indians wait for Diwali to enjoy but I feel bored and numb during Diwali and even irritated due to constant fire crackers bursting around.
22-25, M