I think i've lost the ability to communicate with other people effectively.
Always saying the wrong thing. Always the wrong read. Life has been basically taking care of my disabled mom, cat, cleaning, gaming, crossdressing.
I basically get paid to take care of my mom who is a severe diabetic with neuropathy in her legs that she can barely walk. Has other issues like COPD, depression among other issues. Some days are better than others, but we manage.
Keeping the house clean and safe. I manage all the bills. With the exception that rent is payed by her. I keep the food stuffs stocked up, cleaning supplies, medical supplies, and her medicines. Fix, repair and replace things. If I leave the apartment it's directly point A to point B then back.
Still manage to keep a decent amount in savings. Already have most things I need so it just sits there slowly building with no plan in sight.
Haven't even tried dating in over 9 years. I have developed quite a mistrust of people. The question I always ask myself is if a relationship is viable and the general answer is no. It's basically asking someone to accept following a routine that is not theirs and that is not fair to them or anyone really.
Her greatest fear is being put in a home and I promised not to do that. Going against that would destroy her mentally, emotionally, and eventually physically. She's generally happy and comfortable here and i keep up with her exorcises to keep her active as much as she can tolerate.
I'm not delusional and I fully understand what this all means in the end and I've come to terms with that.
I've pretty much come to terms with all this, but there are days....yeah.
I built the computer I always wanted. I buy the clothes that I always wanted. Even though crossdressing is still a sort of undefined thing for as to how far it goes or even if it ends there. IDK. I stopped talking about it much because it attracts the worst people.
All this has kinda caused me some disconnect and I sure as shit don't know what to say to people anymore.
I'm not looking for answers, or fixes. Just wanted to offload this out of my head.
I basically get paid to take care of my mom who is a severe diabetic with neuropathy in her legs that she can barely walk. Has other issues like COPD, depression among other issues. Some days are better than others, but we manage.
Keeping the house clean and safe. I manage all the bills. With the exception that rent is payed by her. I keep the food stuffs stocked up, cleaning supplies, medical supplies, and her medicines. Fix, repair and replace things. If I leave the apartment it's directly point A to point B then back.
Still manage to keep a decent amount in savings. Already have most things I need so it just sits there slowly building with no plan in sight.
Haven't even tried dating in over 9 years. I have developed quite a mistrust of people. The question I always ask myself is if a relationship is viable and the general answer is no. It's basically asking someone to accept following a routine that is not theirs and that is not fair to them or anyone really.
Her greatest fear is being put in a home and I promised not to do that. Going against that would destroy her mentally, emotionally, and eventually physically. She's generally happy and comfortable here and i keep up with her exorcises to keep her active as much as she can tolerate.
I'm not delusional and I fully understand what this all means in the end and I've come to terms with that.
I've pretty much come to terms with all this, but there are days....yeah.
I built the computer I always wanted. I buy the clothes that I always wanted. Even though crossdressing is still a sort of undefined thing for as to how far it goes or even if it ends there. IDK. I stopped talking about it much because it attracts the worst people.
All this has kinda caused me some disconnect and I sure as shit don't know what to say to people anymore.
I'm not looking for answers, or fixes. Just wanted to offload this out of my head.
