I wish I would have never tasted alcohol in my life.

I remember the first time I got drunk it was by accident because I was just young and didn't realize how much I was drinking. It gave me a panic attack and I never wanted to be drunk again but next thing I knew, somehow I just didn't wanna do anything but get drunk. I stopped working out because I was exhausted all the time from hangovers and just not feeling right from alcohol abuse. That was years ago and I've gotten so out of shape.

There's a bar nearby that's popular because apparently they do something secret to their drinks that gets people really hammered. I've tried it before. It works. I want to go there again but I know I shouldn't.

I wish I just never figured out what being drunk is like because the detachment and euphoric feels are just too strong. I'm enchanted by being able to spend hours ignoring the world and all my problems and everyone else's problems. I'm cursed by knowing that "peace" (if it can be called that). If I never would have been dumb in the first place and drank too much then I wouldn't miss what I never had.

I know that after writing this I will just go right back to wanting to drink. Always. I'm in hell.