I've been hooked on this man for six years now.

I did love him very much and put up with a lot of pain because I believed in him. But he's hurt me too much. He's shown me countless times that he's just a selfish moron who makes endless empty promises. I've tried everything to stay away from him but I keep coming back. Until now...

I'm starting to notice that his smell frightens me. When we spend time together, I rush home to shower because I want his energy off of me. He hasn't seen my son in over a year. I thought we were trying to rebuild trust after he went through some really dark stuff and was very mean to me.

But I don't want him anymore. I'm tired of asking him to include me in his life or even recognize that I was. I'm tired of asking for more than scraps, then he gives even less after promising more. He seems to frantically love me at times, and at other times gives me the silent treatment. Almost every time I tell him how I feel, including when it's unrelated to him, he gets defensive, argumentative and is definitely gaslighting me. He lies, he blames, he offers things he never follows through with. He admits to being controlling, defensive and manipulative sometimes, other times he says it's in my head.

I'm afraid to say I'm done, because that's when I start to miss him.

I can't do this anymore though. He drains the fun out of everything. His mood shifts so hard without warning so I never know what I'm going to get. His dick won't get hard and he barely touches me. It feels like he's disgusted by me but he swears he's madly in love.

I don't believe in him anymore. I don't want him. I don't want to see him. Whatever is between us is dead and I'm ready to take my life back.

I'm reading over what I wrote and realizing there's nothing redeeming about him or us.

I don't want him anymore. I don't love him. Truth is, he doesn't deserve me.