Sad
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My son deserves better than me.

There's a reason I have no friends, no family and nobody is interested.

I am garbage.

I'm not being cruel to myself. I deserve pain for the pain I've caused.

I have to face it so I figure out how to fix it.
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At least you don't have fake friends that you have to amuse..
Try to find one small positive thing about yourself each day, even if it is just something like what I said there..

You love your son, and he loves you so much and you are doing your best

Stop the negative talk to yourself