I've been through a decade of healing, now I'm ready for some experiences that put my new perspective into practice.

Experiences that don't activate my nervous system. I'm tired of surviving. Tired of fight or flight. I have to seek softness and safety. I want to feel my feminine side take the lead instead of being the woman and the man, the mother and the father, the grandparents and family and teacher and discipline. I am tired of the weakness in others being more than I can handle comfortably and destroying me bit by bit because there's no one to actually rely on.

Damn it all.

In a few weeks I'm going to start getting my house ready for sale again. It is not a great time to sell and I know I'll be on the market for a good while (thanks trump for making everything so great 🙄)... I'll probably walk away with half of what my house is worth and less because of everyone's fees and tax.

I just don't care anymore. I am tired of my life as it is. I am tired of being the one that has to maintain and fix everything. EVERYTHING.

Not that I won't be just as alone, but at least there won't be nostalgia and hope hanging over the seeds I planted. I'm ready to grow.