Is life losing its luster or were you always this depressed and you just periodically forget and disassociate from reality a lot?

I've had mood swings since I was about 14. Saying anywhere that I don't feel okay was already old when I was a teenager, it feels like I repeat myself over and over, but let's say that in last 3 years I got to know new ways of how bad I can feel. I can't say it's worse than what it was before, just different and new to me.