I finally came to cook for myself after sometime. When my friend was here, my cooking's changed as to try to understand and accommodate his needs too, along with mine. But now that I'm by myself again, it's nice to be creating my own medicine...
I had a beautiful day, went into town, worked much on my ideas, designs, concepts, framework ...had a couple of coffees and ice cream! Much indulgence but you know, I'm feeling somewhat lonely, I'm feeling the void from my friend's presence. And he's not helping, by not communicating through messages really. I mean, I understand that his new environment needs him. He's going to meet another friend and having all these plans.
But then, you know, I equally understand this loving creature that I'm left to tend to, myself, as she said out loud how she doesn't want to continue to have this experience. People move I get it. But there's something there unresolved still. I wanted a smoother fading, that's all.
I was somewhat late to return and dusk had almost arrived when I was climbing up the hill. I got filled with fear. I stopped and checked with myself. I was scared to be alone in the forest, of ghosts, spirits, myself, who knows what. I asked myself to share and she said "you scare me". She/I said things, normal things, about being alone, about the mountain life... Fear of connection because of separation.. human, normal things but very real and profound in their simplicity.
Reaching the catcamp I was greeted by plenty of the cats. I was still detached, despite them being there and in a vibrant energy as they are.
Then training did it for me. I trained and everything balanced out. Now I'm about to enjoy dinner, thought a bit late for dinner...:)
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