Something is wrong...
I've always been pretty sharp and articulate. I worked like a machine, kept the team strong and laughing, and kindness was always at the forefront of authenticity. I traveled like a boss. Learning and curiosity were my goals.
But lately something is way off. Things have been so hard for the past 6-7 years and I was diligent, but for the last year, I feel like my brain capacity has diminished. I don't care about learning new things. I don't feel curious, I feel like these days it just leads to disappointment. I stumble over my words and stutter because not only am I tired of talking, I'm tired of being ignored no matter how much effort I put into things. I can't remember things because my train of thought is constantly interrupted. I've been relentlessly teaching and raising my son while his dad is worthless. Literally snoring his way through life. Nobody helps me with anything. Nothing. I have so many chores and phone calls and my son needs me 24/7. Then I go to work and get treated like complete crap. Which I think makes me even more fuzzy in the head because work was always my strongest suit. Now with 25 years of working experience, I get treated like an idiot. I've been through cancer, surgeries on my legs that I worked the whole time through and my son has a joint disorder he needs PT for. And the president is trying to get rid of Medicaid so what, I can't see my oncologist and my son doesn't deserve a quality of life? And these maga people in your face assuming your trash when you've been a slave to the system since you were 12, paid off two houses and all I want is some fecking healthcare because if I die my son has literal no one.
I lost my mom to early onset dementia so my first fear is thats what is happening to me.
I know the extreme stress is starting to get to me though. I never get a real break. If I take any time for myself it means something is piling up in my absence.
I'm curious though if this is from my previous relationship? He was heavy into manipulation and gaslighting. He confused me SO BAD, telling me he loves me while simultaneously playing games with my head.
I've just had enough. I can't get anything done, I can't organize my thoughts and people seem to be laughing at me as I flounder. Withdrawing their hand acting like I deserve to crumble away.
I hate humanity. At least in my country, that's all I know. People just take. They take everything and if you have anything to hold onto they're grabbing at that too.
I don't understand. I cry every single day because I can't be enough. All I know is I want to be a good mom. I used to believe in community and then people ruined that. Then I learned to believe in myself and people seem to want to ruin that too. Wtf does life want from me?
All I know is my brains are getting scrambled and it's like a joke to people.
And please if I have to hear any comments about self worth I will find you and slap you because it's not about self worth. I climbed that mountain, don't take away my hard earned self worth.
Is this the deterioration of my mind?
But lately something is way off. Things have been so hard for the past 6-7 years and I was diligent, but for the last year, I feel like my brain capacity has diminished. I don't care about learning new things. I don't feel curious, I feel like these days it just leads to disappointment. I stumble over my words and stutter because not only am I tired of talking, I'm tired of being ignored no matter how much effort I put into things. I can't remember things because my train of thought is constantly interrupted. I've been relentlessly teaching and raising my son while his dad is worthless. Literally snoring his way through life. Nobody helps me with anything. Nothing. I have so many chores and phone calls and my son needs me 24/7. Then I go to work and get treated like complete crap. Which I think makes me even more fuzzy in the head because work was always my strongest suit. Now with 25 years of working experience, I get treated like an idiot. I've been through cancer, surgeries on my legs that I worked the whole time through and my son has a joint disorder he needs PT for. And the president is trying to get rid of Medicaid so what, I can't see my oncologist and my son doesn't deserve a quality of life? And these maga people in your face assuming your trash when you've been a slave to the system since you were 12, paid off two houses and all I want is some fecking healthcare because if I die my son has literal no one.
I lost my mom to early onset dementia so my first fear is thats what is happening to me.
I know the extreme stress is starting to get to me though. I never get a real break. If I take any time for myself it means something is piling up in my absence.
I'm curious though if this is from my previous relationship? He was heavy into manipulation and gaslighting. He confused me SO BAD, telling me he loves me while simultaneously playing games with my head.
I've just had enough. I can't get anything done, I can't organize my thoughts and people seem to be laughing at me as I flounder. Withdrawing their hand acting like I deserve to crumble away.
I hate humanity. At least in my country, that's all I know. People just take. They take everything and if you have anything to hold onto they're grabbing at that too.
I don't understand. I cry every single day because I can't be enough. All I know is I want to be a good mom. I used to believe in community and then people ruined that. Then I learned to believe in myself and people seem to want to ruin that too. Wtf does life want from me?
All I know is my brains are getting scrambled and it's like a joke to people.
And please if I have to hear any comments about self worth I will find you and slap you because it's not about self worth. I climbed that mountain, don't take away my hard earned self worth.
Is this the deterioration of my mind?
