If I ever wanna be myself and live my world

I would live it all over again like as if I am 13 going to 14 years old, my former life when my father used to come back from Italy in his former clothing industry world that he retired, with beautiful clothes for me, but the only mistake I would fix, is that I will not allow any female cousin of mine to share my world with me by letting her have it before me.

I would want the one who looks at me as a wifey type and not a gf type but more like a treasure to have and keep traditionally, to open my investment of our marriage instead of 100 golden coins to be my own Italian style that no one from my country thought of opening it. I wanna live it up in my home country, let him into my Italian world before he gets to meet the world of Colombia with me, just like my past wish of making businesses with Colombians, by owning what I wished for at age 19 going to 20 in 2006, the world of Juan, and make movies and open a clothing line and a restaurant cafe in Colombia and let my traditional hubby type be the boss of that world, but my children will never have their children as their tradition, to compensate on the hate I saw from the people who whenever they want they hate me and whenever they want they start caring all over again. I am not a punching back or a toy to play with.
That's my promise to myself.