Butterflying isn't easy ...

I'm posting on my Facebook page and still random people comment about when I'm going to go back.
I think more seriously now, without much emotions, that it might truly be time for me to rebrand myself and start anew.

Then I'm thinking, I need to be keeping my new standards otherwise soon I'll have to face the same kind of attitudes.

Then I am questioning myself, am I growing or am I just becoming entitled and feeling snobbish about the simple island people ?

Then again I am thinking that I'm crazy creative when it comes to finding reasons in order to keep me back, shrunk and small.

🖤

Change is a true challenge.

I wish some days that I indeed was a caterpillar. There are no failure caterpillars, they all become butterflies isn't it so ? They all inevitably follow their cocoon and change, isn't it so ? It's in their DNA no ?
Do they have to struggle so hard ?

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Samek · 36-40, M

Nothing wrong with rebranding yourself online. It can be quite refreshing for the mind. Keep in mind tho that there will always be creeps and critics no matter how you present yourself. Love yourself and the rest doesn't matter. <3

being · 36-40, F

@Samek you are right. I just want to get it over with the voices from my past. I've been trying and working and all of these and I've done so much of everything that it feels ridiculous to still be talking about it.
The message I got felt to me as a mothering message from an older friend, type of, okay get it over and come back now.
Somehow I've been entertaining the thought of getting back but messages trigger in me a big NO as it feels like an ultimate test regarding my change that I'm going to fail.
I'm afraid that I'll go back and it'd be like day 0. I don't want all these people.
That have a kind word to say but it's not what I crave, want and need to hear.
Perhaps there's no going back for me any longer . ?

Samek · 36-40, M

@being The hardest part is finding a supportive community that not only listens but interacts with you in a meaningful and uplifting way. Before that can happen, you must accept and love yourself. You have to believe that in a vacuum you are perfect just the way you are regardless of outside influences. I know it's scary because I'm feeling it too. I worry about what others will think of me here on SW (just joined yesterday).

Those words being said, I too have those nagging voices in my head that say mean things because of my past poor behavior and physical flaws. -hugs-

being · 36-40, F

@Samek I'm a long time here. I observe that I change circles from time to time. I have decided to be myself and have near me those who are okay with that, in every aspect of it manifesting, words, behaviours, etc.

I'm fed up with working on loving myself. I've reached a ceiling on this long lasting relationship, a plateau.
I've done a ton of work.
And I'm still waiting to be loved ?
It might happen or might not at this point.
Like crazy music lover said in the other comment, not all make it to their butterfly phase..

Samek · 36-40, M

@being I understand the exhaustion and loneliness. I feel it too. :(