Upset
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I wonder if it’s intentional…

A few years ago, I worked at the hotel portion of a company while my mom worked at the restaurant part. Her best friend worked there with her.
She tried to set us up. He’d been looking for someone (anyone) ever since his divorce. She thought it was a good idea to pawn off her only remaining unmarried daughter. Shows how little she knows or understands me. Anyone paying attention knows exactly why I’m still single: I’m not interested in anyone that way.

One night, after we’d hung out because I thought maybe I’d make a friend, he said he really liked me and wanted to try dating.
“You don’t even know me,” I said.
I then blocked his number (which my mom had given him), and stopped hanging out with him. I didn’t want to encourage anything.

While I’d moved out for nearly a year, he moved into the house. He went to the Philippines with her and got himself a fiancé, my mom’s niece or her cousin’s daughter or something like that.

So I thought it’d be fine, no problems once I moved back in. Now I wonder if he’s actually mad or resentful over how I’d rejected him.
I just cleaned the bathroom today. Shortly after, I saw that toothpaste spit was left all over the sink. It’s not the first time something like that’s happened.
Messes are left around the kitchen after I clean it.
I’m the only one cleaning anything up, but several of these messes seem intentional. I don’t know how they could be accidental. It’s insane to me.

In the past, I’d have blown up at him, gotten in his face, and convinced him he really wants to move out. These days are different, as I now look at the spiritual side to things and am much less reactive than I used to be.
If it’s genuinely on purpose, it shouldn’t actually matter. My best response is to just keep cleaning up. Whatever the reason, I’m to practice exercising the fruits of the Spirit.
And I’m praying that when his fiancé moves in, she doesn’t add to the problem. Hopefully she’ll at the least clean up after herself. I don’t want to be taking care of adults who are perfectly capable of simple things like respecting other people’s houses and your own roommates. I’ll start saying something about it once I’m absolutely certain I can keep my temper in check. I don’t want to be anywhere near how I used to be when handling people who caused me problems.
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SW-User
Maybe arrange it in your head, how much of the portion of the responsibility you want to take. I'd suggest to not take the whole thing.

If you insist for whatever reasons, then forget about him. Otherwise it will be impossible to continue. See the mess as a mess, not his mess or anyone's. If you're driven from a desire to Clean , then clean.

Otherwise, like I said, feel with your heart which amount of work feels fair. Once it stops feeling fair, stop. Like eating and stopping once full.
@SW-User I agree. I have to see it that way or else this is going to continue to upset me. Thank you.
SW-User
@Colonelmustardseed to be honest with you, I can easily see you moving out and going for a fresh start..
@SW-User I would, but if I leave my mom on her own, she’s going to get worse. And no one else helps her with the house. She’s not letting me do much, but if I stop it’ll get so bad that they might all end up out of a house.
SW-User
@Colonelmustardseed is there a possibility to hire a person to come perhaps once a week and help few hours with it ?
@SW-User No. She won’t let anyone like that in the house.
SW-User
@Colonelmustardseed alright I see a new solution now... That you need to spend time outside of the house. Arrange some activities... Don't get stuck there.
Excuse my directness..
@SW-User I do get out often. It’s just that I always have to return eventually. This is just how it is when living with hoarders and depressed people, I think. How anyone else feels or what it does to others’ health and wellbeing never matters enough to them.
I appreciate your advice though. I need to stop seeing it as each individual’s messes, and start seeing it as just a mess to clean. If it really is intentional, it shouldn’t matter.
SW-User
@Colonelmustardseed you could always move out and be the person who visits and cleans. You've been through a lot dear.. yes I understand that necessity to help your mother. But you need to prioritise yourself. Let everyone make their own decisions ..