Random thoughts
Need to make a hip hop playlist. I love some. I hate a lot lol. Would be nice to have just the songs i like.
prep some freezer to crock pot meals
-soups
-roasts
They say, ‘A happy wife, a happy life’ and I used to think that just meant she was getting spoiled or getting her way all the time. I’ve come to understand that if the woman of the house is unhappy, no one’s happy because SHE is the foundation everything is riding on. When you’re feeling sad, angry or hurt it gets harder and harder to maintain the peaceful calm you need to handle kids all day. When you NEVER get a break, and you constantly feel like a failure and a disappointment or a burden….over time it wears you down. None of us are perfect. We all have a breaking point, no matter how hard we try. Eventually all those feelings lead to resentment. I never really thought of the woman as the foundation of the home before, but in my situation it’s very much true. Maybe it isn’t so much in homes where both partner work outside the house. My entire job 24/7 is raising these kids, keeping the house going and making it a home, maintaining the bills and all relationships, appointments, etc. The only thing my husband has to do is go to work and make money. Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond grateful he is financially responsible and secure, but I do get tired. He just comes home and magically has homemade food to eat. He gets to hang out in his office alone all he wants. He gets to go do his hobbies and run free anytime and anywhere he wants. Meanwhile, I’m making every single thing happen. It’s tiring. Yet, I truly am so grateful for this life we have, our children, etc. I’m very blessed that this is my role…and i’ve immensely enjoyed it for a long time…I am desperately needing a break and some appreciation though. BUT, I’m beginning to realize a LOT of my exhaustion and burnout stems from ME not MAKING time for myself. I am responsible for me and my happiness. I can’t wait around for anyone else to just make me happy. Anyway…end of that :P
So today…
The hip hop music started the day off fun and my girl and I had a great morning. I didn’t leave it on all day like I did the country music yesterday though. Tomorrow I’m babysitting and I think I’ll just do some kid music all day. We listening to a Gabby’s Dollhouse playlist today on the way to get groceries and my girl and I really enjoyed it. I think I sang along more than she did lol.
The last couple of days have really shown me the importance of just stepping back….I worry so much about whether my husband will be mad at me or not. Some of that is his fault, some mine. I don’t want any opinions on it. I’m a pretty spontaneous person, which does not work well with my role here. Planning ahead has taken a lot of pressure off. I often get caught up in tasks and lose track of time, or the baby is fighting naps/getting woken up and I get off schedule. BUT, if I just have meals ready in advance it takes so much stress off. Also, rather than trying to rush myself to get EVERYTHING done, it flows so much easier if I just go with the flow of my kids instead of trying to force them to my routine. I’m so much more productive when they’re napping/playing and they’re so much more cooperative and well behaved when I’ve played with them or simply given them my time rather than constantly saying, ‘after this, one more minute, etc…’ Sometimes I feel incredibly stupid that I struggle with everything so much….but I am also aware that aside from how I’m feeling internally, which most don’t know, I am doing a good job with the house and a great job with the kids. And I manage everything else well too. Everything is flowing well, and that is all thanks to me. I need to stop being so hard on myself! The last 2 days have been so much better simply because I haven’t stressed myself out :P But it is a lot. I’m essentially living like a single mom who just happens to have a husband who brings home money. Lol. I see him once in a while, and he just wants more and more. I only have so much to give.
Anyway…let’s see…staying off my phone more has definitely been helping to reduce stress and increase productivity. I hate to admit I’ve been using it as an escape lately, but all it really does it make me not as present as I should be in my life and lead to me getting frustrated every time I’m interrupted. It’s not an escape at all. Just a waste of time that weighs me down.
Well, I’m going to try to watch one episode of my show since this is my alone time for the day. I doubt I’ll post tomorrow as I’ll be crazy busy with the kids all day. I make sure cousin days/play dates are epic. Lol. My girl was so excited tonight she tried to go to bed 2 hours early just so she could wake up sooner to her cousin being here. Haha. But then she couldn’t stay still, said like 3 prayers for him, sang a song about how much she loves him and she’s going to share gummy bears with him, and on and on and on. Haha. I finally made her watch a boring documentary and she fell asleep in like 5 minutes lol. Of course, now she’s got me excited for them too. Lol. They have the most beautiful relationship. <3
prep some freezer to crock pot meals
-soups
-roasts
They say, ‘A happy wife, a happy life’ and I used to think that just meant she was getting spoiled or getting her way all the time. I’ve come to understand that if the woman of the house is unhappy, no one’s happy because SHE is the foundation everything is riding on. When you’re feeling sad, angry or hurt it gets harder and harder to maintain the peaceful calm you need to handle kids all day. When you NEVER get a break, and you constantly feel like a failure and a disappointment or a burden….over time it wears you down. None of us are perfect. We all have a breaking point, no matter how hard we try. Eventually all those feelings lead to resentment. I never really thought of the woman as the foundation of the home before, but in my situation it’s very much true. Maybe it isn’t so much in homes where both partner work outside the house. My entire job 24/7 is raising these kids, keeping the house going and making it a home, maintaining the bills and all relationships, appointments, etc. The only thing my husband has to do is go to work and make money. Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond grateful he is financially responsible and secure, but I do get tired. He just comes home and magically has homemade food to eat. He gets to hang out in his office alone all he wants. He gets to go do his hobbies and run free anytime and anywhere he wants. Meanwhile, I’m making every single thing happen. It’s tiring. Yet, I truly am so grateful for this life we have, our children, etc. I’m very blessed that this is my role…and i’ve immensely enjoyed it for a long time…I am desperately needing a break and some appreciation though. BUT, I’m beginning to realize a LOT of my exhaustion and burnout stems from ME not MAKING time for myself. I am responsible for me and my happiness. I can’t wait around for anyone else to just make me happy. Anyway…end of that :P
So today…
The hip hop music started the day off fun and my girl and I had a great morning. I didn’t leave it on all day like I did the country music yesterday though. Tomorrow I’m babysitting and I think I’ll just do some kid music all day. We listening to a Gabby’s Dollhouse playlist today on the way to get groceries and my girl and I really enjoyed it. I think I sang along more than she did lol.
The last couple of days have really shown me the importance of just stepping back….I worry so much about whether my husband will be mad at me or not. Some of that is his fault, some mine. I don’t want any opinions on it. I’m a pretty spontaneous person, which does not work well with my role here. Planning ahead has taken a lot of pressure off. I often get caught up in tasks and lose track of time, or the baby is fighting naps/getting woken up and I get off schedule. BUT, if I just have meals ready in advance it takes so much stress off. Also, rather than trying to rush myself to get EVERYTHING done, it flows so much easier if I just go with the flow of my kids instead of trying to force them to my routine. I’m so much more productive when they’re napping/playing and they’re so much more cooperative and well behaved when I’ve played with them or simply given them my time rather than constantly saying, ‘after this, one more minute, etc…’ Sometimes I feel incredibly stupid that I struggle with everything so much….but I am also aware that aside from how I’m feeling internally, which most don’t know, I am doing a good job with the house and a great job with the kids. And I manage everything else well too. Everything is flowing well, and that is all thanks to me. I need to stop being so hard on myself! The last 2 days have been so much better simply because I haven’t stressed myself out :P But it is a lot. I’m essentially living like a single mom who just happens to have a husband who brings home money. Lol. I see him once in a while, and he just wants more and more. I only have so much to give.
Anyway…let’s see…staying off my phone more has definitely been helping to reduce stress and increase productivity. I hate to admit I’ve been using it as an escape lately, but all it really does it make me not as present as I should be in my life and lead to me getting frustrated every time I’m interrupted. It’s not an escape at all. Just a waste of time that weighs me down.
Well, I’m going to try to watch one episode of my show since this is my alone time for the day. I doubt I’ll post tomorrow as I’ll be crazy busy with the kids all day. I make sure cousin days/play dates are epic. Lol. My girl was so excited tonight she tried to go to bed 2 hours early just so she could wake up sooner to her cousin being here. Haha. But then she couldn’t stay still, said like 3 prayers for him, sang a song about how much she loves him and she’s going to share gummy bears with him, and on and on and on. Haha. I finally made her watch a boring documentary and she fell asleep in like 5 minutes lol. Of course, now she’s got me excited for them too. Lol. They have the most beautiful relationship. <3
