Hooray, Disney World

I woke up angry in the middle of the night, and sent my dad an angry email about some shit that happened 30 years ago. Haven't fallen asleep since.

I wasn't even thinking clearly, it seemed sort of dream-like in retrospection. Had to double-check my sent folder to be sure.

I'd rather just not think about these things, but somehow I'm having a hard time adjusting.

I can't keep a straight anything schedule.

Why is it so hard to wake up at X every morning, eat at Y, and sleep at Z? Instead, I'll fall asleep in the middle of the day (if I'm not engaged in work/activity). I often wake up too early, anxious to get the day over with. I'm never looking forward to the day. I set up the pins to knock them down. That's everything in life.

I'm not invested. And that makes me ungrateful.

I need to focus less on having enemies, there's no time for that.

I need to focus more on studying, improving my understanding and appreciation for the world.

I don't know if that will dissuade my misanthropy. I just don't want to be close to people. And I think that's PTSD. It's hard to undo that.