I want to destroy my life. (Again)

I have been struggling with a few things. One is I want to start an affair. I’m a narcissist and I want to find someone who will have an affair with me for no other reason than sex , the chance to control, and dopamine.

This is the sin that brought me to Christ 9 years ago and every step I take closer to him, I want to destroy my life even more.

I find myself hunting for easily manipulated, gullible, attractive women. There is an abundance where I live.

I love my family but my evil part of my personality is bored out of my none and I want to throw it all away so I can take everything my flesh desires